She defends their actions and yells at me…..

by Rod Smith

“It’s the sugar, hunger, or being tired that causes the my girlfriend’s children’s outbursts. It is never that ‘mom’ argues with her children and any threat of punishment never ever happens. My daughter is now refusing to be around us, wondering how and why she has to behave while my girlfriend’s children are allowed to be monsters. It’s about to end our relationship. I have sat in public too many times embarrassed by their behavior. It is sad but I am being asked to help her in controlling her children but when I do she defends their actions and then yells at me! I tell her if she’d treat her children the way she treats me her problems would be solved!” (Minimal edits)

Get out of the middle...

I have seen this all too often – and, I have seen myself do the same thing. It is illogical and unreasonable, but children often wield disproportionate power with parents and it seems more often so with single parents. The parent is often blind to unhelpful parenting behaviors while the “errors” are glaring for all who look on. Yet it remains a road to ruin when an “outsider” (even if you are the significant other) becomes involved in correcting another’s children – even, believe it or not, when such help is requested.

One Comment to “She defends their actions and yells at me…..”

  1. So who ever said relationships don’t take work?

    Mature parents should be capable of admiting problems with their kids and working on them. A mature couple should be able to discuss parenting and get help with it.

    These are the challenges of life. Deal with them.

    And yes, I’m writing as a parent in a second marriage where each of our kids bring their challenges. We discuss the issues, get help with them, discuss which of us will deal with each, discuss which of us will have the final say in different decisions for different kids.

    If you both have kids from a previous marriage, you both have probably been burned enough in the past to appreciate each other and to put work into relationships, both the two of you and the family unit as a whole.

    If one of you isn’t willing to put in the work, it’s reason to worry, not because of the kids behavior, but because of a lack of willingness to work on the relationship.

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