“My husband insists on access to my phone, Facebook, emails, and watches my spending like a hawk. I understand some of this. His last wife was apparently unfaithful. His suspicious ways are driving me crazy and driving us apart even though I have NOTHING TO HIDE. How do I get him to trust me more and to give me a little freedom?”
You cannot get him to trust you more. That’s his load, his burden. He has to face his problem and his challenge.
His “suspicious ways” are his issue. The harder you try to appease him the more he will make you work to prove you are trustworthy.
People do not desire privacy because they have something to hide. People desire privacy because it is a deep, profound human need.
Love and control – these are desperate attempts to control you – cannot live side-by-side in the same relationship.
Submitting to his immature acts of control will be helpful to neither of you.
If possible, meet with his previous wife. I am sure you will discover that his controlling ways played a part in the demise of his past marriage.
Stay out of control – change your passwords, and refuse.
Love loves freedom and you will never know it while you attempt to appease a controlling man.
You might believe in “his love” (for you) but it is hard to believe you have any love for him. You clearly ignored any “push” to do the “right thing” and regard married men as “off limits.” While you are apparently vengeful and determined, you will most certainly find only temporary and limited personal peace. 
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