I have seen my propensity to think of others as responsible for anger I might feel. I have blamed the traffic, my children, even the neighbor’s dogs for a moment of anger I endured when things would not go according to my wishes. Similarly, I have heard men and women blame the government, the economy and even newborn babies for their outbursts of anger.

The person feeling angry, exhibiting anger, can attempt to shift the blame for their anger, but the angry person must look within before anger issues can be resolved. While an angry man believes his anger is someone else’s responsibility he will not find relief from its tenacious hold.

Mature, thinking, sane people (surely, what we want to be!) take responsibility for their emotions, anger often being the toughest to corral. They resist blaming a spouse or traffic for their feelings. They see anger (and all “destructive” emotions) as notification from deep within that something is awry, waiting to be addressed.

Anger-provoking events (a late spouse, being kept waiting at the bank, someone ate the ice-cream!) simply allow the presence of anger to be announced. Healthy people listens to such emotions and learns from them, rather than inflicting them on others.

A reader writes….

“I am at my wits end and exhausted because of my two-year-old son who will not sleep through the night. How is it possible that a child can cry, without tears, for an hour and a half without giving up, even after being shouted at 1 am, made to stand in the corner and then eventually getting a smack to get him to sleep? I am determined not to give in to him. Besides drugging my child, what else can I try? He has an afternoon nap around noon daily and for an hour. He eats well and normally falls asleep at 7.15pm. He starts waking at about 11.30pm and this is when the fun starts!”

Rod responds….

This doesn’t sound like fun. Please see your physician and consult with a pediatrician. Remember your child is 2! He needs warmth, love, and acceptance in the night, not a smack or to stand in a corner. There is absolutely no reason at all, ever, to smack a two-year-old. This issue is not about his behavior, but about your behavior. What are you going to do when he is 12, and 14 and 17 and will not obey you?

Published in Newspapers, You and Me, Monday, July 18, 2005

Enriched is the woman who does not lose herself in her marriage, or to motherhood, and in taking care of her family, but is able to develop a strong sense of her self even while being a loving wife, mother and friend.

Enriched is the woman who does not put up with poor manners (being taken for granted, being sworn at, being victimized both verbally and physically) from anyone: not husband, children, in-laws, siblings, or her parents, but who appropriately, and sufficiently values herself so that she does not tolerate those who do not treat her very well.

Enriched is the woman who knows she never has to participate in sexual activity that she, herself, does not want, who knows that her body is her own and private temple which she shares, even in marriage, only when it is by her own sacred and deliberate choice.

Enriched is the woman who lives above manipulation, domination and intimidation, whose relationships are pure and open, and within which she maintains a strong and valued voice.

Enriched is the man who treats others with kindness beyond their deserving. He is generous with family and strangers and he seeks the highest good for all, knowing that the wisdom he exercises in his daily life positively impacts people around him. He regards faithfulness with high regard. The very thought of betraying his family by committing some moral indiscretion unsettles his peace.

Enriched is the man who does not play “one-up” games. He applauds the success of others. He takes no delight in the hardships, losses, or pain, others endure. He is more committed to being patient, kind and hardworking, than he is committed to being rich or to displaying symbols of success.

Enriched is the man who would rather lose at a sporting event than he would cheat in order to appear to have won. While he can be fiercely competitive and loves to win, he watches his behavior, treasuring his valued reputation. He can drink without becoming drunk, enjoy good humor without resorting to the ridicule of others.

Enriched is the man who pauses momentarily, quite regularly, in order to acknowledge his joy at being a man. He treasures his role as one who carries love, truth and kindness to all within his circle of influence.

Enriched is the child who has never seen a parent drunk, or a parent vent their anger, use profanity, drive aggressively, behave violently, or use racial slurs.

Enriched is the child who does not have to worry about a gambling father wasting necessary family resources, or worry that a mother might not return home after a night on the town.

Enriched is the child who hears parents laughing with each other both day and night, and who hears the sounds of joy and celebration expressed by his parents.

Enriched is the child whose family puts off the TV for weeks on end, who takes walks with his family, who cooks meals from scratch with his family.

Enriched is the child whose family reads novels and who sit around a table discussing what each person is reading.

Enriched is the child who has a peaceful home where the only bickering is about who is funniest.

Enriched is child who hears “I love you” from a caring, non-possessive parents whom the child knows, expect nothing in return.

Such a child rests peacefully while learning to create similar safety for his own family when the time comes.