Healthy people (differentiated people) manifest (or have) many, but not necessarily all, of the following characteristics:
(Rate yourself, not others)
1. They can relate to and relax with people of all ages, races and persuasions – they are accepting.
2. They can mourn after disappointments and losses and, after a time, rise up and face similar challenges again – they are resilient.
3. They have done what is possible to understand their childhood and, despite past trauma, take responsibility for what they are becoming – they are responsible.
4. They are humored by their own foibles and saddened by cruelty they see around them, but they do not lose hope – they are optimistic.
5. They are aware of the pattern of the cycle of life and they welcome the transitions from each to each – they are growing.
6. They are eager to learn about other people, relationships, life and the world – they are engaged.
7. They can enter the world and the experience of another, listen, appreciate and value without passing judgment, offering advice or wanting to modify what they see – they are intimate.
8. They have a few friendships of mutual vulnerability and deeper intimacy with one other person – they know others and are known.
9. They are involved in mutually satisfying relationships with immediate and extended family and have a rich family of choice – they are connected.
10. They are at peace more than they are unsettled, they can be calm in a crisis and can go without company when it is necessary – they are anchored.
11. They live and love deeply, they learn to trust and forgive deeply – they are passionate.
12. They can listen to others without speaking, and from the multiple voices around and within them, they can distinguish the voice of the sane and deliberate self – they are listeners.
13. They are regularly involved in hands-on service with people less fortunate than themselves – they serve others.
14. They can follow the instructions of others, when necessary, and take on tasks that benefit the community – they are followers.
15. They understand leadership as a role, not as a position, so they lead when it is their function to do so – they are leaders.
16. They know how much they need and do not need others and how much others do and do not need them – they are interdependent.
17. They can identify their own boundaries and become aware of the power and the restrictions of these boundaries – they are self-regulating.
18. They can see clearly that they have both strengths and weaknesses; yet, as much as is possible, they live from their strengths – they are empowered.
19. They achieve their personal and career goals while becoming more intimate with others – they are maturing.
20. They do not expect a problem-free or crises-free life, but through facing smaller problems as they occur, they equip themselves for whatever life brings – they are prepared.
21. They can talk themselves down when anxious, pull themselves together when afraid, gather their internal resources when threatened – they can self-soothe.
22. They can tell the truth to themselves and others – they are honest.
23. They acknowledge the role and assistance of others in their journey and development – they are humble.
24. They easily accept and indeed enjoy the differences in, and uniqueness, of others – they are tolerant.
25. They feel neither superiority nor inferiority in relation to all other people, perceiving themselves as truly equal members of the human community – they are free of prejudice.
Rod E. Smith, 1999, Copyright
1. Achieve their goals and keep strong relationships.
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