Reader: My husband and I are good friends after twenty-five years of marriage, four children, and two failed businesses. Every time I think we have seen it all life offers us another challenge. Our youngest son (19) is seeing a young woman (20) with a very “dark side” and manipulative way and he seems entranced with her. This is causing unnecessary anxiety. Formerly pleasant family events have become dark experiences either because he is brooding in her absence or because she is trying to get him away from the family while also “participating” in the event. Do we put our unified foot down and tell him “no more” or stand back and watch him make hurtful mistakes?

Rod’s reply: Your son is 19! Putting your foot down will probably only serve to alienate him at a time he most needs you. While he will make his own relationship decisions, it is appropriate he make such decisions against a backdrop of what those who have loved him longest (his parents) think.

Establish a time when both mom and dad tell him what you each see and think. This done – leave it to him. One can hope he will “see the light” and both young people will benefit from your loving observations.