A Week of Mercury columns

All 5 / Healthy Habits for a Fabulous Week – longer than usual but ready for anyone interested to print or share…..

Just for Today

These are inner-conditions and can be exercised without announcing the decision.

#1 Plan your emotional boardroom.

Make an executive decision and about how you are going to be for the day (not the week, or month or forever. It’s just for the day. Or for the morning if you have to break up the day into parts. Making the decision is crucial. It’s a beginning. You may or may not be successful but you ensure failure if you refuse to plan.

Three things I will do today:

• Speak well of myself and others.

• Advocate for myself and others by speaking up when necessary.

• Affirm, thank others, and be highly cooperative as far as possible.

Three things I will not do today:

• Be a victim to anyone no matter who they are or what position they hold.

• Victimize anyone at all – not in subtle or gross, covert or overt ways.

• Say yes when I mean no or no when I mean yes.

#2 Get rid of inner-clutter.

Rid your inner-work space of unwanted books, chapters, and unfinished essays with their faded, ripped pages and thumbed edges. It’s useless clutter – all of it.

That story, told and retold to anyone who will listen and told even if no one is listening – rip it out. Dispose of it. Not only is it boring to hear, it’s doing no one any good. Especially you. The let-down story, the lost-job story, the overlooked-for-promotion story, your list of slights, these are the unfinished chapters.

Toss them. Never tell them again. They darken your gaze, lower your sights, and take their toll by eroding your sense of worth.

Just for today.

They are the bad poetry of your life. Rip them out. Burn them. Just for today.

You’ll know you have finally cleared your inner-desk when these old stories cease to be your default talking points and when you realize you have so much that is new and positive to share.

But, be kind. Be kind to yourself. Such ripping and ridding cannot usually be done in one foul swoop. We have carried these things around with us for years. We have played host. They have served a purpose and will return like belligerent carpet stains.

The things we remember, the stories we tell about ourselves, not only become rehearsed shtick, but become stepping stones that shape our futures.

Write a new script – just for today.

You may even get a few new and eager let’s listeners

#3 Know, then state what you want.

Clarify what you want. Using as few words as possible write it down. Post it in gold capitals on your inner-bulletin. Don’t write what you want for your children, your spouse, or your aging parents. That kind of answer to “what do you want” is a copout. Think hard. Make notes. Develop a statement of what you want for you. This is neither selfish nor indulgent. It’s necessary for the continued journey toward self-awareness. It is a lack of self awareness that usually results in selfishness. Besides, how will ever know if you have what you want and are doing what you want if you don’t know what it is?

Just for today:

Know what you want.

Steer your life towards what you want in ever-increasing measures.

Try to refuse the things that will shift your direction away from what you want.

Be careful. I am not suggesting you do not meet your already-established commitments or that you don’t participate in the common pool of human tasks required of us all.

Here’s mine – for today.

I want to communicate by all possible means that people can live healthy, powerful, effective lives as both individuals and in communities. I want to be a strong an effective parent, a generous brother, a good friend, and a positively contributing member of a local community.

#4 Arrange your starting blocks.

Decide how you will behave ahead of time and before you have to. I literally try to “breathe in” default conditions, modes of operation, ways of being – just for today, for this morning, this moment, whatever period of time I think I can handle.

Starting blocks:

• Offer forgiveness. It will be absolute, even if undeserved and for all.

• Offer generosity. I will give, be open, and make room for ideas and for others.

• Be responsive. I will look ahead, initiate, and imagine helpful, creative possibilities.

• Offer hospitality. I’ll be open to friends and strangers, short and long-term.

I know from many years of trying that it is difficult we have to start somewhere or pick up where we left off.

Like all good starting blocks they stimulate the possibility of success, and success will breed more success. While we are not divine, these starting blocks certainly are. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself feeling really good about the world and everything in it when you try to live this way, no matter how tough and challenging it may be.

#5 Be committed to listening and learning.

There is something to learn and hear from every encounter and within every environment if you have the heart, mind, and ears for it.

Try it. Just for today. Try it, even if it is only for the next hour.

To begin to learn and to hear you (we, always we) will require a determined effort to slow down and embrace the following attitudes.

I acknowledge:

• I have more to learn than I have to teach, no matter what the topic, circumstance, and no matter how learned, qualified, or skilled I may already be.

• I can learn something from anyone no matter how unskilled or unlearned they may be or I may perceive them to be.

• Some things I think to be true are not; some things I think are untrue are true and there is quite a lot “in the middle” of most extremes.

• I am open to new insights, new ways of seeing the world, and new ways of thinking. I will be aware of other possibilities, not only those that support my already established thoughts, feelings, theologies, and philosophies.

The Mercury / Friday 01-30-2020

Healthy Habits for a Fabulous Week #5

Be committed to listening and learning.

There is something to learn and hear from every encounter and within every environment if you have the heart, mind, and ears for it. 

Try it. Just for today. Try it, even if it is only for the next hour.

To begin to learn and to hear you (we, always we) will require a determined effort to slow down and embrace the following attitudes.

I acknowledge:

• I have more to learn than I have to teach, no matter what the topic, circumstance, and no matter how learned, qualified, or skilled I may already be. 
• I can learn something from anyone no matter how unskilled or unlearned they may be or I may perceive them to be. 
• Some things I think to be true are not; some things I think are untrue are true and there is quite a lot “in the middle” of most extremes. 
• I am open to new insights, new ways of seeing the world, and new ways of thinking. I will be aware of other possibilities, not only those that support my already established thoughts, feelings, theologies, and philosophies.

I am coming to South Africa for almost two weeks: March 2 – 6, 2020 (Worcester) and March 7-13, 2020 (Durban, KZN). I will be happy to speak at your church, school, or event. 

The Mercury / Thursday

Healthy Habits for a Fabulous Week #4

Arrange your starting blocks.

Healthy Habits for a Fabulous Week #3

Know, state what you want

Clarify what you want using very few words. Revise and study it. Don’t write what you want for your children, spouse, or your parents. That’s a copout. Develop a statement of what you want for you. This is neither selfish nor indulgent. It’s about self-awareness. It is a lack of self awareness that results in selfishness and indulgence. Besides, how will ever know if you have what you want and are doing what you want if you don’t know what it is?

Just for today:

• Know what you want.

• Steer your life towards it in ever-increasing measures.

• Try to refuse the things that will derail you from what you want.

Be careful. I am not suggesting you do not meet your already-established commitments or avoid participation in the common pool of human tasks required of all. We can do all those things and pursue what we want.

Here’s mine – for today:

I want to communicate by all possible means that people can live healthy, powerful, effective lives and be a strong an effective parent, generous brother, and a positively contributing member of a local community.

The Mercury / Tuesday

Daily Habits for a Fabulous Week #2

Rid your inner-work space of unwanted books, chapters, and unfinished essays with their faded, ripped pages and thumbed edges.

The Mercury / Monday

Daily Habits for a Fabulous Week

I am going to present one inner-discipline per day for a week. They are inner-conditions and therefore can be exercised without announcing the decision.

#1 Plan your emotional boardroom

Make an executive decision about how you are going to be for the day (not the week, or month, or forever). It’s just for the day or for the morning if you have to break up the day into parts.

Making the decision is crucial – it is a beginning. You may or may not be successful but you ensure failure if you refuse to plan.

Three things I will do today:

• I will speak well of myself and others.

• I will advocate for myself and others by speaking up when necessary.

• I will affirm, thank others, and be highly cooperative as far as possible.

Three things I will not do today:

• I will not be a victim to anyone no matter who they are or what position they hold.

• I will not victimize anyone at all – not in subtle or gross, covert or overt ways.

• I will not say “yes” when I mean “no” or no when I mean “yes.”

In the grips of a recent heart-break there are some things you can do.

He/she broke your heart, not your brain or capacity to think. So, think. 

During this tough time and you may feel deep, powerful feelings of abandonment, betrayal, and you may regret the time you had together. It may seem wasted. It’s not, unless you waste it. You can learn and grow, or not. You decide. 

No one is discounting your feelings and neither will it be helpful if you do. But, you still have the capacity to think, plan, to guide yourself out of the mire. So, think and plan, through the mist and pain. 

Remember, you think yourself into a new way of feeling. You do not feel your way into a new way of thinking. Let your fine mind lead. You got yourself into this; you can get yourself out. 

While it seems paradoxical, you entered the relationship alone, and you leave it alone. You have what it takes within you to rebuild a meaningful life. You are stronger than you feel. Don’t beg.

Walk, run, drink lots of water. Seek out old friends. Revisit places you went as a couple. Nothing is wasted unless you waste it.

The Mercury / Wednesday

The Genius of Powerful Leadership

• Is not that you, the leader, get your way. It is that those whom you lead discover their own skills, talents, and beauty and, as a result of your style, they are willing to apply their cache of potential to your mutually declared goals.

• Is not that you, the leader, are recognized. It is that those whom you lead are empowered and sufficiently “free” to make their own mark on your mutually declared goals and are positioned to receive appropriate credit.

• Is not that you, the leader, are the one with all the brilliant ideas. It is that you have created a context where the development and exchange of ideas is a way of life and your shared brilliance becomes difficult to pin on one lone genius or a singular heroic leader.

• Is not that you, the appointed or official leader, lead at everything. You understand that your ability to lead meshes with your ability to follow. You get out of the way, you assist, you encourage those who are better equipped at any task to assume the awe-filled position of leader when it is necessary.

• It is that you, the leader, know that how you handle yourself is pivotal, and far more important to your success than how you handle your charges.

The Mercury / Friday

Lies to girls and young women – sometimes overt, mostly covert……

It has been my joy to interact with female audiences in several nations. Despite diverse cultures and languages, these messages, these lies, remain strong and consistent. They are even sometimes promoted as Biblical. Perhaps saddest, with the discovery of personal faith, young women seem to expect God to be the ultimate male who makes similar demands:

• Your body is more important than your brain. Don’t be, or appear to be, more educated than a man who wants you.

• Men don’t want women who are more educated than they are.

• Everyone you meet is more important than you are. You are born to serve others, especially men (and – in some cultures- their mothers).

• Once a man loves you, you give up yourself for your husband and your children. The “half” you are will be made whole when a man marries you. If you don’t marry you’ll never be complete.

• Your greatest calling is to be a wife and a mother. Other (foolish) ambitions will compromise serving your husband and your mothering.

• Your only worthwhile ideas pertain to cooking, cleaning, and childcare. Leave thinking about sciences, technology, and mathematics to males.

• If you suffer in silence God will reward you. Suffering comes with being a woman.

Tenderness can be very helpful. If I can be tender in my response to my sons when something is brewing in me, annoying me, rather than be bullheaded and confrontational, the outcome can be remarkably positive. When I am hot on an issue, no matter how significant or insignificant, I can see the rising resistance in my son (either son) before he’s even aware of what I am on about. It seems instinctual. 

If I am pursuing an apology, or if I express the mistaken idea that I am the only one who ever does anything around the house, it becomes rapidly evident that my zeal stimulates an equal and opposite reaction and things can escalate. 

My forcefulness, willfulness, my zeal, is met with an equal and opposite reaction. 

If I am tender, if I ask about things that are important to my son and if I take time to listen, and then carefully express what it is that is bugging me, the entire exchange quickly shifts. 

Tenderness dismounts me from my high horse and reason prevails. 

When I am tender my son is always willing to put his most cooperative foot forward and resistance flees, reason prevails, and neither one of us comes out hurting.