Archive for December, 2018

December 18, 2018

You are as healthy as your secrets

by Rod Smith

“You are as healthy as your secrets” goes a common adage in talk therapy circles.

Our dark secrets: these are the secrets that shift us into shame-mode, haunt our memories, needle our rest at three in the morning, and bind and silence us, keep us enslaved to their dark powers. These secrets debilitate us, silence us, make us captives, make us suspicious of others, and make us edgy in the presence where exposure threatens.

Our dark secrets can drive us into parallel behaviors that mimic the events that initiated the secrets in the first place.

These are the secrets worth exposing to a professional that their powers may be broken and the holder of secrets may be set free.

Our healthy secrets (yes, there are healthy secrets): the knowledge of shared and powerful intimacy, the knowledge and the trust of mutual promises made between equal partners, the pleasures found in a revisiting exhilarating and treasured memories, empower us.

These secrets free us, amplify our strengths and, as a result, we spill health into our families and upon all whom we meet.

These are secrets amplify any goodness within us and are worthy of being hidden in our hearts for they do no damage.

December 9, 2018


by Rod Smith

Fundamentals about human relationships:

  • Every interpersonal overreaction, poor attitude, expression of anger will have an equal and opposite reaction if it comes from a desire to control, manipulate, or maneuver another, no matter how much love there is purported to be. People are designed for freedom and attempts to restrict it will ultimately stir rebellion (it may take years) within the victim.  
  • The person who most wants whatever from another person (insert a desire: time, extended conversations, sex, a beach walk, loan, a long chat over coffee) places the potential giver in a position of power. This is part of the reason pleading and begging is so unattractive.
  • The stronger, more mature person of any two people in a relationship will be the one who seeks forgiveness and reconciliation when a relationship is derailed. While the focus is who is right or wrong and who need to apologize first and who started whatever, the people are not ready for reconciliation.
  • Mutual attraction is about matched levels of maturity or immaturity. People of dissimilar levels of maturity will hardly notice each other. Equally needy people will attract each other like powerful magnets and the attraction will feel like a match made in heaven – at least at first.  
December 2, 2018

It’s (simply) up to you (and to me)….

by Rod Smith

Some things are simply up to you (and to me)…

  • How open and available you are to new experiences, adventures, and meeting new people
  • How generous and kind and forgiving you are to others (and to yourself) under every circumstance
  • How much you communicate with your aged parents and how much time you generously and freely offer them
  • How much you interact or communicate with your brothers or sisters or other relatives
  • How you treat your in-laws
  • How much you respect and show that respect to all people and especially those who are outside of your chosen circle of relationships
  • How you use the power afforded you or the illusion of power afforded to you
  • How much you will allow friends and associates to know you and participate in your life
  • How angry or reactive you are when you are faced with the poor driving or less than perfect service or when you are overlooked or ignored
  • How much you will allow prejudice and stereotypes to shape your attitudes and behaviors

I will remind my treasured readers that I am my own first audience and everything I write pertains first to me. We are in this wonderful adventure of life together.