If, in the midst of emotional pain, I tell myself that all people have pain or that it’s normal to have pain or that my pain is not as bad as the pain others have to endure I know I am not really dealing with it.

It’s not serving its useful, healing purpose.

This form of self-talk retains the experience in my head and blocks its necessary journey to my heart.

Of course, this can go on for years, running around my head forming a pathway like a deepening inescapable ditch.

If I admit that pain is a useful messenger and that some of it is a result of poor choices, the result of misguided self-importance, unique to me, and give myself some time, space to mourn the lack of connection I am experiencing with others, then the pain makes its transition to my heart.

I escape the ditch, the circular thinking and strongly experience my frailties and vulnerabilities.

Once the inner-journey is made, from head to heart, I find I am able to treasure the growth rather than endlessly trash myself for things I did when I knew better but lacked the wisdom to behave accordingly.