“I am very recently divorced and everyone tells me to wait before getting involved again. My husband and I were married for 10 years but the last five we ‘existed’ in the same house. We were not really married. Doesn’t this count?” (Edited)The tone, the tenacity, expressed in your longer letter suggests you have a man waiting in the wings. You apparently want your friends (or me) to give you permission to dive into a new relationship before the ink on your divorce decree is fully dry.
I have learned to get out of the way when someone is set on getting what he or she thinks he or she wants. Go ahead – get involved – it is unlikely you will heed my suggestions anyway.
But, — the aftertaste, the hangover, the unresolved tensions of your 10-year marriage will surface in your new relationship. You will see life differently post-divorce if you allow your eyes and your brain time to re-focus. Now, you are attracted to a man who is not your husband. Given time, you will be attracted to a man simply because of who you have become, and for who he is – I’d wait. I hope you will.