Archive for ‘Voice’

April 2, 2023

Welcome to a new week…..

by Rod Smith

At the start of a new work week may I offer you encouragement?

Stop hiding who you are behind a desire to be accepted or to fit in. 

Let people know who you are and what you want. 

This does not mean you have to be pushy or overbearing. 

In both strong and subtle ways define yourself. 

Leave little up to guesswork. 

Do this, even if you start in very small and incremental ways, with the people you are close to and to the people whom you love. This may take some people by surprise and even catch them off guard, but the people who love you will be delighted to hear your voice.   

You will immediately begin to feel less anxious when you begin to define yourself. As you advocate for yourself, even in the smallest of ways, you will begin to like what you see and what you feel and think, and you will grow even more beautiful than you already are. If you have been a “I just fit in with others” or “I hate conflict” kind of person you will begin to notice you will have lower levels of anxiety as you reverse your “fit in” and “avoid conflict” tendencies and allow your personality and your wishes to emerge and ultimately shine.

Welcome to a great week.

March 30, 2023

Be the adult you want your children to be

by Rod Smith

Today, and every day, try to be the adult you hope your children will become. How else will they learn what it means to be an adult? Who else will teach them?

Try to stop blaming the teachers, coaches, or the school for your child’s every challenge, difficulty, or hurdle. Blame restricts maturing, yours and theirs.

Try to stop blaming the government, the economy, or prejudice for every distress or dilemma you face, unless you think blame will be a good tool for your child to take into adulthood. If you want your children to be adults who take responsibility for their lives then show them how it’s done. Your children won’t forget your temper tantrums no matter how young they may be; and they will probably emulate them.

Demonstrate, by your own display of excellent manners, the manner in which you hope your child will navigate life and relationships. It is true, they are going to watch and learn from multiple sources, but you are their primary resource when it comes to how they will respect and treat others. Little eyes are watching.

Respect, visit, and be kind to the elderly so they know exactly how to do it when it’s your turn.

Dismiss no one; look down on no one. Young eyes and ears are absorbing how to be in the world, and we, we parents, are the primary teachers.

March 28, 2023

Two stoops or more…..

by Rod Smith

“Writing in the sand” is a strong metaphor for me.

My usage is in reference to a New Testament moment. 

When confronted by men who desire to trap him, Jesus twice stoops to draw or to write in the sand. 

Theologians have postulated much on what it was he wrote or drew.

I believe he was “steel-ing” himself. He was readying himself for a strong, suitable reply to what may have appeared to bystanders to be an impossible dilemma. Jesus was thinking, mulling things over, reminding himself of his calling and the power that was his and and was not his. 

He was doing what you and I are called to do when faced with dilemmas, complex or  easy. 

When we take time to write or draw in the sand we give ourselves the time we need to consider many options when we make decisions. 

Taking the time offers time for increased perspectives. 

He was no loose cannon and we know how damaging they can be. 

I have been writing or drawing in the sand for months, designing and planning suitable responses to tough situations. 

It has taken me far more than two stoops and I know I will make many more. 

But, I will emerge and act on decisions made while stooping these many times and drawing in the sand.   

March 18, 2023

Blending families

by Rod Smith

Blending families, smoothly and successfully, is not easy. 

Each family imports its own set of norms and expectations into the new family configuration and these norms and expectations will inevitably clash. Each person, too, brings expectations into the new family quite apart from what the rest of what his or her original family brings to the party. There will also be remaining scars from the sequence of events that made blending two families possible in the first place. 

Blending families calls for super-maturity from the marrying or newly married adults. 

They are called to lead in such a manner that all the members of the newly constituted family’s voices are heard and opinions are respected, irrespective of age.

The adults will be wise to avoid blaming others like a former spouse or former in-laws for the inevitable difficulties that will arise. 

The adults will be wise to avoid disciplining other people’s children, even if he or she is newly married to the children’s mom or dad. 

The adults will be wise to avoid believing the children – no matter what they may say when wanting to please the parent – want this new family as much as the newly married adults do. 

The adults will be wise to speak well of the parents who are excluded from this new blended family.

[The Mercury—Monday]

March 18, 2023

Something a little longer for Sunday….. 

by Rod Smith

One thing I notice about the parables of Jesus and other favorite New Testament events, even Jesus one-liners, is that just as soon as I think I understand the parable, the event, the one-liner, it does a number on me.

Refuses to be conquered.

Reveals I’m scratching the surface in understanding, let alone application.

I know this to be true as I study Jesus’ desert trials, His relationship with Peter, betrayals, the terrors of Gethsemane, The Transfiguration, The Woman caught in adultery, “love your enemies,” to name a few. 

For 10 years (at least) these events in Jesus’ life and many of His sayings have refused to let me go and keep offering me more and more opportunities for understanding and for application.

Who really knows what Jesus meant when he said “a seed must die to bear fruit” (John 12:24) and I am not talking botany?

Every believer worth his or her salt has a go at “unpacking” (my least favorite verb I hear in Christendom) this but I think most attempts at interpretation fail to grasp the larger application of the metaphor, let alone how the “death” occurs and how it applies to you and to me.

 Let me know if you think you know. 

Parables, if we are willing to resist the thought that we already know all there is to know about any one of them, will unfold meaning for years and go deeper and deeper into the willing heart with revelation.

Thinking I know becomes a blockage. My blockage. Time after time reading them I go back to what I already know, which keeps new understanding waiting in the wings for an opportunity to get a moment on stage.

Another thing I find blocks my learning is when I become an insight addict and seek insight and more insight into Scripture but resist or refuse to put the insights into the daily-life action.

Insight, without accompanying action, is not only useless, it blocks further revelation. Then, if I get any insight, refusing to act on what I see becomes a ditch into which my insight tumbles and I become another of millions upon millions of Christains who are incredibly insightful who are very willing to talk, often endlessly, about what they see in whatever be the Biblical topic. And that’s about it.

My gosh, have I met some insightful and loquacious Christians?

Certainty, too, seals shut possibilities of growth and learning. 

It stops discovery. Certainty block’s revelation. 

I find embracing ambiguity and possibility for behavior change opens the floodgates to new understanding and new ways to be in the world.

Understanding Scripture requires change. Transformation. Understanding Scripture will demand it be more than an academic exercise and will seek to influence who and how we are as men and women in our various roles in our various communities and within our families.   

I have read the “Prodigal Son” many many times and have often thought I have a reasonable take on Jesus’ point. My perspectives change if I read it as if I am the Older Brother when my default has always been to read it as the younger, returning son, the “good” guy. When reading the parable from the Older Brother’s point of view I have no problem understanding why he has an issue with the upstart’s return and why he avoids the party. If I read it from the perspective of the Father it doesn’t take long before I am reduced to tears. I think I know that kind of love, at least as much as I am able. My sons have been trying to teach me about it since they entered the world and broke into my heart.

Shifting my point of view when I read “The Good Samaritan” also allows for new insights. I start from the perspective of the “questioning” lawyer. Then I move on through Jesus’ list of characters and end up reading it as the victim who receives assistance from the Samaritan.

When I read it as The Samaritan, I am reduced to tears.

In contrast to the “trained” and the professionals, the ones who should know, the rejected one is the loving one, the one who was never considered a neighbor, the “other,” is the one who goes the extra mile and loves his enemy and models neighborliness.

Have a fabulous Sunday.

March 2, 2023

The gift of Fridays

by Rod Smith

I like to think of every Friday as a good one, no matter how trying a week may have been. Fridays announce the fire-break, declare the rest-stop, the opportunity for the breather that’s just around the corner. 

Fridays are for letting things go, the cumulative stresses of all that’s come at me from Monday. I hope it’ll be the same for you.

Fridays are for a few handwritten notes in the mail, notes of affirmation and thanks, not necessarily for what’s occurred in the past few days but an expression of thanks to those who’ve got me to this point. Consider joining me, it’s amazing how good it feels to write without a screen. 

Fridays are for re-envisioning the shape of the future, not only next week and six months ahead, but my role is in creating a great tomorrow for my children’s children’s children. We really do, like it or not, for good and for ill and everything in between, invest in the future.

Fridays are plan-my-weekend reading opportunities and so I rather informally gather the books and articles I’m hoping to start or finish.  I confess, this is an ongoing challenge but remains refreshing because it is unfinished. 

Fridays are for scheduling one-on-one phone-free, screen-free time over the weekend with our most intimate circle of family and friends.

I recommend this fabulous book to you….
February 27, 2023

Yes, he/she is going to work very hard to……

by Rod Smith

A man or woman who is a survivor of a difficult or traumatic childhood will often go to unusual extremes in several of life’s arenas.

“Make it perfect,” becomes the mantra.

The extremes are intense attempts at perfection to put right the past or stop it intruding on the present.

This may be particularly obvious when parenting.

The survivor of a difficult childhood whom you love will go to endless lengths to please you once he or she has broken through the trust barrier with you.

Once you are trusted it will be in ways he or she has never trusted before.

Be gentle as it could be very fragile.

When suspicious questions arise, answer as honestly as you know how you realize that it is not about your behavior, it’s about history repeating itself.

The man or woman whom you may love who is a survivor of a difficult childhood will often feel heavily let down if well made plans go awry. He or she may suddenly become completely disillusioned when discovering he or she was unable to create something perfect for you to experience together.

Remember, it’s all about quieting the past.

September 12, 2019

Is it love?

by Rod Smith

When asked to officiate a marriage I ask couples to assess their shared experience and to use these points for discussion:

  • You find it easy, or it seems natural, to include many of your long-lasting friendships in your shared activities and find no feelings of control, jealously, or possessiveness within you.
  • You are each more yourself than ever; there are no eggshells to tiptoe around, no topics to avoid, no lies to continually conceal, no facades to perpetuate.
  • You maintain a distinct life of your own while simultaneously becoming closer to each other.
  • You enjoy working through issues that arise, even if the journey is painful, because the process brings you closer to each other and you have the sense of accomplishing something that is important for the future.
  • You enjoy sharing hard earned resources with each other without the thought that you are giving up something or wasting anything.
  • You have talks about faith, finances, career options, and have discussed the hurdles and complexities that accompany such matters.
  • You have fun together and are not preoccupied with the state of your relationship.
  • You speak highly and respectfully about each other always and to all – no exceptions; and you readily affirm each other both privately and in public.
  • You have met each other’s immediate and extended family and are both doing what.you can to embrace and understand how they view life and live life.
  • You’re getting used to each other and life feels better as you think about a future together.
  • You can hardly wait for each new day so that you may embrace the possibilities each new day offers.
  • You are committed to seeking each other’s highest good, no matter what.
May 17, 2018

Voice – part 2

by Rod Smith

Compromise yourself, your talents and skills for no one. Be silenced or made “smaller” or rendered without a voice for no one. It is never worth it. There is no cause, no relationship, worthy of your silence.

There is no person of any rank, no spouse, boss, or spiritual leader deserving of your downplaying or silencing who you are. Only those with dark motives will seek for you to be less, minimized, diminished, or silenced.

Walk away from such small-mindedness, even if it is costly to do so.

Loving, good people will celebrate your strength, encourage your freedom, and admire your talent. Stick with such people. Stay with those who enlarge your world, not restrict, shrink, or contain it. Live fully, love fully, and speak fully.

I am weary of men and women, irrespective of who they are, who hold others captive, especially in the name of love. I am weary of spiritual “leaders” who are afraid of gifted people; of bosses who silence talented people lest their own inadequacies be revealed.

If you live above, and beyond, the damaging jealousies that surround you, you will stimulate the dreams of everyone in your circle of influence, and make your dreams come true before your very eyes – and the world will hear your voice.

May 16, 2018

Finding your voice (1 of 2)

by Rod Smith

Every person has a voice designed for full expression. Some have allowed their voice to be stolen or silenced and might find it necessary to take time to find or re-establish the voice they have chosen to deny or ignore. Thankfully, suppressing a voice seldom kills it. It can usually be found even after years of denial.

Any person who refuses to hear what you have to say or who tries to silence you doesn’t love you even if he or she proclaims otherwise. It is never a loving act, except in extremely unusual circumstances to stop another expressing who he or she is. Likewise, it is not a loving act to withhold your contribution to the world by maintaining your silence.

You were not created to be silent. You were not created to silence others. The world will benefit for hearing who you are and what you have to say. Part of having a voice, and using it, involves the process of discovering how best to package and express your voice so others can hear what you have to say.

One should not confuse talking with having a voice. Many talk and talk and talk and yet have never found their voice.