Archive for ‘Betrayal’

April 24, 2023

What will it take?

by Rod Smith

What will it take for you to tell your story? 

By “your story” I mean your unabridged, unedited story, the meanderings of your life, the whole truth, not only the shiny parts. 

If we are at all similar and we probably are, you may have noticed our propensity to play the well-worn tracks, the golden-oldies, we speak of those areas of our lives and they come out well-rehearsed, cute lines, anecdotes that flow with ease, often with intent to impress. With these areas of our lives we are seasoned raconteurs. 

What will it take for you and I to unblock the blocked, dislodge darker areas, give the hidden areas of our lives a little light? 

When we give these parts a little airtime, allow ourselves and others to know us at deeper, unrehearsed levels, it usually – if we are careful about whom we choose as an audience – gives the opportunity to be known a little deeper and to discover something new about ourselves.

“Out of the mouths of babes,” usually refers to something cute and endearing from children. 

Out of the mouths of adults, the unrehearsed and previously unsaid, can be painful to admit and hear, but it may bring greater redemption and healing for both speaker and the carefully selected listeners.

March 29, 2023

If the cap fits…….

by Rod Smith

“If the cap fits……. wear it,” as my dear dad would say.

Am I writing to you? I hope not. 

Dear Business Owner

Your life impacts the lives of many others. Your decisions create waves for others to sink or swim. Consider it an act of compassion to think about the impact your decisions have on many others. Live to empower and encourage rather than plunder and accumulate. 

Your financial status has power and how you use or misuse it reveals everything about your character. You appear unaware that some people are intimidated by wealth and feel beholden to you, while also welcoming their adultion.  

Walk gently. 

Hold onto the knowledge that there are people wealthier than you who have managed to be wealthy, kind, and generous. 

It is possible. 

Try not to forget there are people who are much poorer than you who are vastly happier and more content than you appear to be. Your concerns, worries, anxieties, successes, conquests, apparently give you the idea that you are the center of the universe. 

You are not. 

A moment of compassion from you expressed toward others – beginning with your vast payroll – many of whom are struggling, will make all the difference both to you and to many others.

At present your life is heartily affirming the age-old idea that money cannot buy happiness.

A Very Distant  Observer

March 28, 2023

Two stoops or more…..

by Rod Smith

“Writing in the sand” is a strong metaphor for me.

My usage is in reference to a New Testament moment. 

When confronted by men who desire to trap him, Jesus twice stoops to draw or to write in the sand. 

Theologians have postulated much on what it was he wrote or drew.

I believe he was “steel-ing” himself. He was readying himself for a strong, suitable reply to what may have appeared to bystanders to be an impossible dilemma. Jesus was thinking, mulling things over, reminding himself of his calling and the power that was his and and was not his. 

He was doing what you and I are called to do when faced with dilemmas, complex or  easy. 

When we take time to write or draw in the sand we give ourselves the time we need to consider many options when we make decisions. 

Taking the time offers time for increased perspectives. 

He was no loose cannon and we know how damaging they can be. 

I have been writing or drawing in the sand for months, designing and planning suitable responses to tough situations. 

It has taken me far more than two stoops and I know I will make many more. 

But, I will emerge and act on decisions made while stooping these many times and drawing in the sand.   

March 22, 2023

What may you hear if you listen to your life……?

by Rod Smith

When you stop and listen to your life  – your emotions, urges, compulsions, complaints –  what may your life be attempting to say to you? Here are some things I perceive my life tries to draw to my attention, and what I have seen clients self-identify as they pay attention to their lives:

  • You are carrying fear. Have you considered finding out where it comes from? It may come from a generation or two before you. Fear can travel from generation to generation. What purpose is it serving for you? What will it take for you to lay it aside for a while or get rid of it completely?
  • You want to reconnect with old friends and several people who have known you for a long time. What is holding you back? Why are you resisting? What memories are you trying to avoid as you re-embrace this beautiful time of your life? You seem to be choosing loneliness when company is available.
  • What grief is tugging at you for attention? What losses are you ignoring that won’t let you off the hook? Uncried tears will manifest, be it through anger or sadness or both. Identify the source of your grief.
March 21, 2023

Listen – to your own life

by Rod Smith

Listen, first, to your own life. 

I know I think and write a lot about listening. 

Listening is among our most powerful capabilities as humans. 

I do try to really listen to others and —pivotal— to myself, to what my own life is saying or trying to tell me.

How will I ever be able to hear others if I’ve given up listening to the person closest to me, the person within me?

Without attempting to be too obscure, if we stop listening to our own lives, really listening, we will distort what others are trying to tell us because our own unheard lives (ignored lives) will not stop trying to break in and be heard. We will “hear” others while aching to be heard, like listening to a radio station with limited and distorted reception.

Let me illustrate with a benign (somewhat) illustration. 

A friend returns from a holiday and wants to tell you about it. When the conversation is over you realize you’ve done all the talking about your holidays and your life and what you’ve been doing and you hardly heard anything your friend tried to say. 

Your unheard life took over! 

Taking over conversations, competing with others for the “best” story, talking over others, reveals an unheard life!

Someone asks you how you are but ends up telling you how he or she is and he or she has heard nothing about you!

You just met a person who’s given up listening to his or her own life.

March 20, 2023

Respect

by Rod Smith

What does respect look like? 

Respect is placing high value on privacy, even, perhaps especially, between and among people who are very intimate with each other. The deeper and greater the intimacy, the greater the need for individual space, even opportunities for extended solitude.

Respect is listening, it’s having the willingness to focus on what another is saying without correcting, interpreting, or interrupting. It’s developing an eye for what another may need or want and looking for ways to serve one another. It’s having an eye for mood and occasion, the ability to read a moment and to sense when strong emotions may call for deeper understanding.

Respect is having an ear for what is not said. It’s the capacity to read between the lines, to discern what may be uncomfortable to express. It is developing an ear to honour what another finds painful, the ability to understand that loved ones may hide pain, may want pain concealed, from some, but not from all.

Respect is found in the appropriate use of touch, touch to affirm, the kind of that says “You are not alone,” and expresses warmth, declaring the pleasure it is to share life with another.

[Merc 3/20/23]

March 18, 2023

Something a little longer for Sunday….. 

by Rod Smith

One thing I notice about the parables of Jesus and other favorite New Testament events, even Jesus one-liners, is that just as soon as I think I understand the parable, the event, the one-liner, it does a number on me.

Refuses to be conquered.

Reveals I’m scratching the surface in understanding, let alone application.

I know this to be true as I study Jesus’ desert trials, His relationship with Peter, betrayals, the terrors of Gethsemane, The Transfiguration, The Woman caught in adultery, “love your enemies,” to name a few. 

For 10 years (at least) these events in Jesus’ life and many of His sayings have refused to let me go and keep offering me more and more opportunities for understanding and for application.

Who really knows what Jesus meant when he said “a seed must die to bear fruit” (John 12:24) and I am not talking botany?

Every believer worth his or her salt has a go at “unpacking” (my least favorite verb I hear in Christendom) this but I think most attempts at interpretation fail to grasp the larger application of the metaphor, let alone how the “death” occurs and how it applies to you and to me.

 Let me know if you think you know. 

Parables, if we are willing to resist the thought that we already know all there is to know about any one of them, will unfold meaning for years and go deeper and deeper into the willing heart with revelation.

Thinking I know becomes a blockage. My blockage. Time after time reading them I go back to what I already know, which keeps new understanding waiting in the wings for an opportunity to get a moment on stage.

Another thing I find blocks my learning is when I become an insight addict and seek insight and more insight into Scripture but resist or refuse to put the insights into the daily-life action.

Insight, without accompanying action, is not only useless, it blocks further revelation. Then, if I get any insight, refusing to act on what I see becomes a ditch into which my insight tumbles and I become another of millions upon millions of Christains who are incredibly insightful who are very willing to talk, often endlessly, about what they see in whatever be the Biblical topic. And that’s about it.

My gosh, have I met some insightful and loquacious Christians?

Certainty, too, seals shut possibilities of growth and learning. 

It stops discovery. Certainty block’s revelation. 

I find embracing ambiguity and possibility for behavior change opens the floodgates to new understanding and new ways to be in the world.

Understanding Scripture requires change. Transformation. Understanding Scripture will demand it be more than an academic exercise and will seek to influence who and how we are as men and women in our various roles in our various communities and within our families.   

I have read the “Prodigal Son” many many times and have often thought I have a reasonable take on Jesus’ point. My perspectives change if I read it as if I am the Older Brother when my default has always been to read it as the younger, returning son, the “good” guy. When reading the parable from the Older Brother’s point of view I have no problem understanding why he has an issue with the upstart’s return and why he avoids the party. If I read it from the perspective of the Father it doesn’t take long before I am reduced to tears. I think I know that kind of love, at least as much as I am able. My sons have been trying to teach me about it since they entered the world and broke into my heart.

Shifting my point of view when I read “The Good Samaritan” also allows for new insights. I start from the perspective of the “questioning” lawyer. Then I move on through Jesus’ list of characters and end up reading it as the victim who receives assistance from the Samaritan.

When I read it as The Samaritan, I am reduced to tears.

In contrast to the “trained” and the professionals, the ones who should know, the rejected one is the loving one, the one who was never considered a neighbor, the “other,” is the one who goes the extra mile and loves his enemy and models neighborliness.

Have a fabulous Sunday.

March 13, 2023

Suggestion for Hallmark

by Rod Smith

I’m amused at how many “special days” there are and how many I miss. I’ve got the very best sister and brother on the planet but “National Siblings Day” comes and goes and I’m usually none the wiser. I missed “National Sons Day” quite recently. “French Bulldog Day” too, comes and goes and I’m yet to post a picture of Maggie dressed to the nines in her French Pink collar. 

I’d like to suggest a few new holidays for Hallmark or whoever pushes these special days:

Good Samaritan Day — love someone (send flowers, bake cookies, research what he or she needs and provide it) whom you could legitimately reject or who could legitimately reject you. That, after all, is the essence of the parable. It’s not about dumping “the poor” with stuff you don’t need or want.

Prodigal Day — Dismount your high horse and throw a party of welcome for all the “wrong” and “lost” and rejected people you know whether they’ve “changed” or not. There’s no indication in the parable that the returning son has “repented” and it may well be you or me who really has to.

Woman Caught in Adultery Day — leave your “stones” of judgment at home and walk through the day humbly aware of your own shortcomings. Jesus gives the woman a break and an identity. Let’s do the same for all the “tragic figures” we meet and perhaps someone will have and display similar grace for us, yes, you and me.

Meet Maggie
February 27, 2023

Yes, he/she is going to work very hard to……

by Rod Smith

A man or woman who is a survivor of a difficult or traumatic childhood will often go to unusual extremes in several of life’s arenas.

“Make it perfect,” becomes the mantra.

The extremes are intense attempts at perfection to put right the past or stop it intruding on the present.

This may be particularly obvious when parenting.

The survivor of a difficult childhood whom you love will go to endless lengths to please you once he or she has broken through the trust barrier with you.

Once you are trusted it will be in ways he or she has never trusted before.

Be gentle as it could be very fragile.

When suspicious questions arise, answer as honestly as you know how you realize that it is not about your behavior, it’s about history repeating itself.

The man or woman whom you may love who is a survivor of a difficult childhood will often feel heavily let down if well made plans go awry. He or she may suddenly become completely disillusioned when discovering he or she was unable to create something perfect for you to experience together.

Remember, it’s all about quieting the past.

February 26, 2023

Reunion

by Rod Smith

If you ever want a beautiful picture of mercy the Biblical account of the life of Joseph is the place to go.

His response to his desperate, begging brothers embodies the quality of mercy I have often received. 

While in Genesis, you will encounter with Joseph moments of extraordinary grace and healing, on top of surely being bombarded with the impulse to burst out in songs from the musical that bears his name.  

Following a rather violent and involuntary departure and after decades of separation from his family, Joseph abounds in kindness and mercy towards his brothers. This same band of brothers found young Joseph so threatening they discarded him into a well, as a kinder option to killing him, and then sold him to a traveling caravan. 

As a result  of their jealousy and violence Joseph spent years in isolation and torment. 

When, decades later and faced with his brothers, Joseph would be justified if he chose to have nothing to do with them or exercised his extraordinary powers in the pharaoh’s domain to have them arrested and held accountable for their crimes. 

But no, recognizing who they are, knowing his brothers have come in search of help, he discloses his identity.  

“I am Joseph. Is my father still alive?”

His first question is about their father’s wellbeing. 

I cannot imagine being cut-off from my extended family, all of whom live in distant countries. 

I cannot imagine not knowing if one of my closest relatives is living or dead. 

Joseph’s retribution quotient rests firmly at zero. When legitimately, there could be anger, Joseph expresses none. He fosters no desire for pay-back. 

“Come closer,” he says and weeps with relief and gratitude for the opportunity for reconciliation.

“I will provide for you,” he tells them and there are hugs and kisses and weeping all round. 

What a reunion! 

Many families long for such a reunion. 

Do you? 

“Something got in the way,” I hear a woman say revealing she has not spoken to her sister in decades.

“I will never talk to that woman again. She got mom’s dining room table she knew I wanted.”

A table got in the way. 

A dining room table was enough to sever a family tie? 

“Ah, it is not about the table,” may be a legitimate retort. 

I concede it may well not be about a table. Give me a few moments and I could suggest a variety of possible explanations for the schism a table may conveniently represent. 

Family estrangements can be horribly painful but, even sadder, we grow accustomed to them. We live with them. It becomes how life is.

“Something got in the way,” would have been a gross understatement had Joseph chosen victimhood. 

May we each do our parts in getting whatever got in the way, out of the way. 

Joseph embodied mercy when he had the choice to extract vengeance. 

Joseph chose humility, when he indeed could have demanded his brothers bow before him and beg for their lives.

By grace-upon-grace, may we each do the same.