Look me in the eye. Talk to me. I won’t budge from your truth. Tell me the best. Tell me the worst. Tell me the dangerous. I will look you back in the eye and see and then tell you that, like me, you’re part of the human condition, that I accept you no matter what.. 

Look me in the eye. I will look back at you, hopefully with care and hopefully with mercy and charity and acceptance, with love. It’s the kind of love that wants  you to be totally free, empowered to be exactly who you were designed to be. It’s not too late, not for anyone.

Look me in the eye. Tell me of your early years of struggle, of being misunderstood, of being conflicted about what was going on within your conflicted home. Tell me how your history continues to impact you, tries to sabotage your thoughts and your future. I will tell you that I think I understand. 

Look me in the eye and tell me your story, as much or as little as you want to reveal. I will give you my ear. I will listen with my heart. It’s unlikely your story will surprise me. We have probably walked similar paths even though there might be nothing similar about our origins.

Yesterday I asked readers to imagine an ideal setting and context for the birth of a child and to reflect on their own contexts and circumstances of birth, childhood and growing up years…..

Today, I invite readers to imagine the antithesis of that perfection in order to taste a child’s experience of an anxious, conflicted environment where the womb, crib, family, school, the entire context and journey is constantly jolted with survival anxiety. 

These are, what I call, “crossfire children.” 

He or she, the infant, and the siblings are caught in the crossfire of adult overt and covert conflict. 

Parents and caregivers are in conflict and the crib shakes. 

The crossfire child – trapped in the middle of parent addictions and stressors – has an overwhelming desire to be noticed, accepted, affirmed, protected, understood and appreciated while living in what a child may perceive and know as real-time danger. 

Mom and dad fight – and anxiety strikes all who are in the family and home. 

Imagine a dynamic (changing) environment where primary caregivers and authority figures are sources of complex multi contrasting messages of fear, uncertainty, danger, discomfort and sometimes comfort; where fight and flight are foreign concepts (to an infant and growing child) but are familiar intimate and powerful experienced emotions.

But a few months ago …….. !

In general conversations, when around those who work in areas of mental health,  people may ask,  “Am I of sound mental health?”

Mental health, like physical health, is on a continuum. There are days when you are in better shape than you are on other days.

Here are a five pointers to evaluate your healthy state of mind:   

You are objective about what it means to be you while you take care of immediate day-to-day matters. You are functioning, playing your role and only your role – in a family and community. You isolate yourself at times to rest, not out of fear.   

You are able to look back at how your past has shaped you. You can and do look ahead and enjoy your future hopes and dreams.  Are you able to “reflect” both ways (forward and back) without being overwhelmed with fear. 

You able to look deeply within your inner-being, your head, heart, soul, motivations with humility and thanks. You can see and acknowledge your beauty. You accept who you are. 

You able to accept yourself despite your failures and allow yourself to encourage others even when you yourself are under trying circumstances? You can rise above difficulties and challenges when necessary.  

You are able to focus on the people you deeply love and really listen and appreciate their uniqueness, their beauty, and invite them to teach you about love and greater self-awareness.

My next teaching destination