The women always make the decisions in the end…

by Rod Smith

“I have been in a four-year relationship with a married man. I still believe in his love but also believe he needs a push to do the right thing. I told him he has to own up to the affair and tell the wife himself, or I will tell her. I am not walking away with nothing after giving four years of my life. Then the wife can either have the choice of working things out with him or getting a divorce. It’s the women always make the decisions in the end.”

dsc_0642You might believe in “his love” (for you) but it is hard to believe you have any love for him. You clearly ignored any “push” to do the “right thing” and regard married men as “off limits.” While you are apparently vengeful and determined, you will most certainly find only temporary and limited personal peace.

I hope you will have some dramatic moment of insight, some divine encounter, an event of sorts that transforms you from within, and makes you ready to learn and ready love in ways that are helpful to you and to all persons in your sphere of influence.

2 Comments to “The women always make the decisions in the end…”

  1. Why are women in these situations condemned as being pathetic and so lost? I mean, it’s not fair to generalize women, or men, for that matter, in affairs. Of course they aren’t right, but life isn’t perfect and men and women change. People fall out of love all the time and it’s hard to hurt someone you’ve been with for a long time even when you don’t love them anymore. Affairs are not black and white, it’s a big gray area where not everyone’s situations are the same. A lot of times, it’s two people finding each other at the wrong time….I agree that those two people need to do what is needed to MAKE it RIGHT, but sometimes it takes time to work through the details.
    In my personal experience, I found that my affair partner was “comfortable” in his relationship with his wife, but was no longer in love with her, but at the same time, knew she had not done anything wrong, therefore, it was hard for him to hurt her and be the bad guy in the eyes of family and friends. Same with my relationship with my husband. I no longer loved him, but he had done nothing wrong. I simply fell out of love with him. Does that make me and my affair partner bad people? We care enough about our spouses to not want to hurt them, but realize it’s not fair to them or ourselves to live a lie.

  2. Gabby,

    Anyone who FALLS in and out of love seems pathetic to me. Love is so much more than an emotion. It’s an action, a decision, it’s something you do.

    Affairs ARE black and white. You make a promise to be true to someone, then you do it, regardless how you feel. So even if you don’t “feel” like you love them anymore, you keep your word, period.

    So both parties in the affair are pathetic from my point of view. To be so out of control of one’s own actions that they cannot keep their word, that’s pretty pathetic to me.

    It’s the same sort of logic used by abusers. They are so out of control in anger, that they hurt others. So how is the logic used by affair partners any different or any better? It’s not.

    If we don’t tolerate abusers losing control due to feelings, why do some seek to justify hurtful behavior because of some romantic scenario?

    That is pathetic!


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