Son (19) is dating a manipulative person

by Rod Smith

Reader: My husband and I are good friends after twenty-five years of marriage, four children, and two failed businesses. Every time I think we have seen it all life offers us another challenge. Our youngest son (19) is seeing a young woman (20) with a very “dark side” and manipulative way and he seems entranced with her. This is causing unnecessary anxiety. Formerly pleasant family events have become dark experiences either because he is brooding in her absence or because she is trying to get him away from the family while also “participating” in the event. Do we put our unified foot down and tell him “no more” or stand back and watch him make hurtful mistakes?

Rod’s reply: Your son is 19! Putting your foot down will probably only serve to alienate him at a time he most needs you. While he will make his own relationship decisions, it is appropriate he make such decisions against a backdrop of what those who have loved him longest (his parents) think.

Establish a time when both mom and dad tell him what you each see and think. This done – leave it to him. One can hope he will “see the light” and both young people will benefit from your loving observations.

2 Comments to “Son (19) is dating a manipulative person”

  1. I could have written this. They met online, gaming, she is 21 from the USA we are in Canada. They have know each other for 10 months, and they are going to marry in Oct. She want’s her citizenship so she can work (so she says)
    She has many other guys online who send her money and also when things don’t go well for my son and her (money) she leaves and goes and lives with the other guys who buy her everything she needs.
    Air fare, car repair, dental, medical, housing and board.
    My son is so blind. I lost it on her tonight when she refused to sop up water on the carpeted stairs where she had walked up with wet socks. To which she said, the carpet isn’t new it’s what over a year old. This broke the camels back and they are to leave in the AM.
    My son just started a new job with excellent pay, one he deserves, he’s a very nice guy my boy. Anyways, She’s a con artist who has some devilish way of turning men into her hero. I would only like her to leave the country and my son alone. But alas, they are leaving together, hopefully he’ll see the light before she gets pregnant or before they get married. I’m so worried, I can’t think.
    She’s a manipulator boardering on psyco. I told him all the things she says and does and he still wants to leave with her. I’m at a loss I hope he won’t be.

    God bless, best luck with your child’s delema also.

  2. You’ll be best to leave your son alone, though not completely. This is a sensitive age for a young man and if you push him, you’ll probably end up with some distance from him whereas you’re doing it because you love him.

    Just let him know that you’ll support him no matter what his decisions are and hint of some dissatisfaction, remember only hint. There comes a time in a guys age, where he needs to make his own decisions.

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