Posts tagged ‘struggle’

July 26, 2006

How do you fix a relationship (that has been) burnt out by “lack of space”?

by Rod Smith

(This post HAS NOT been “finished” for the newspapers. It is a work in progress waiting for YOUR input – please comment and help other readers with your insight).

There is ALWAYS hope....

There is ALWAYS hope....

Remember there are NO easy answers when it comes to love and humanity and toxic love and fallen humanity.

It is very difficult, although not impossible, to “fix” a relationship that has been “burnt out” by “lack of space.” Sometimes, for grievously toxic couples, it might be impossible and a complete break-up may be necessary.

In a dating relationship a complete break (without the promise of something in the future) might be necessary. Yes. I mean a real and full and proper end to what was, with no hope or promise about restarting the relationship in the future.

In a marriage, the necessary journey toward simultaneous separateness and respectful togetherness is a tough, but achievable, one.

When emotional over-crowding (“space invasion”) has occurred, when two people, and for clarity’s sake I will call them Jack and Jill, have reached saturation point with each other, the very presence of Jack can send cold shivers down Jill’s spine. If Jill has felt invaded (consumed, overwhelmed, drowned) by Jack, this will only serve to make Jack become stronger in his attempts to re-establish the proximity he once knew. And the cycle continues (usually with even greater intensity).

At least one of the more difficult things for Jack to understand is that Jill wants to be without Jack, after having been so very “close.” It is difficult for him to understand how Jill could want, even enjoy, being without him.

Some separation (real separation) is probably required.

Both persons, during such a separation, will benefit from gathering their community around them for honest support.

Both persons, during such a separation, will benefit from seeing that there is life after this relationship, even if it does not feel like it.

Remember SPACE is needed because it was not there (established, discussed) in the first place! Everyone NEEDS space (separateness) and if this need is not met, the relationship will begin to shake and rattle and symptoms will begin to emerge in other areas within the relationship.