Symptoms of humility

I’ve alternated “he” and “she” but of course all points apply to men and women. 

• He has finely developed self-knowledge. He knows his talents and uses them well. He does not shy away from his giftings.
• She has a high degree of self-awareness. She knows the power she has to impact the lives of others and governs that power with deep respect.
• He can listen to others without needing to interject his insight, interrupt with his own stories, or follow up with something bigger, better, faster, or more dramatic.
• She openly admits that she avoids getting involved in areas where she is unskilled and lacking in talent. She knows there are talented people best-suited for all tasks. 
• He makes way for others to get ahead in their careers and for others to be acknowledged. He is unintimidated by the strengths of others. 
• She doesn’t use her insights as a weapon or as a means of manipulation, domination, or intimidation. She treasures her freedom and the freedom of others. 
• He is quick to forgive and often does so without needing to be asked. He does not live as a victim. 
• She engages in radical hospitality and commits act of extreme generosity. She is daring with love and openness. 
• He focuses and capitalizes on his strengths while he also fully accepts his weaknesses.

A beautiful rendition of the Umhlanga Pier, South Afirca — Pieter Van Heerden

Human situations, interactions, are complex and multilayered and far more complex than may meet the eye.

Churning beneath the surface, lingering in the atmosphere, are unfinished generational issues and immediate pressing challenges. Problems, experiences, anti-social proclivities, joys, conflicts, desire for kindness, ethical dilemmas, addictive leanings, attractions, old and new prejudices, percolate within and linger among. 

Very little of human behavior can be explained by “cause and effect.”

It’s not that simple.

“Johnny doesn’t want to go to school. What’s ‘wrong’ with Johnny? What’s ‘wrong’ with the teacher? What’s ‘wrong’ with the school?” This statement and the logical questions reflect linear thinking.  

Johnny may want to stay home from school to protect mom from dad or dad from mom – without even knowing it. Johnny may prefer to stay home because he detects peer rejection. Johnny may be unaware of the source of his anxiety and may be one of several family members who had similar feelings about school generations before Johnny was conceived.

Our behavior is at least as complex as fictional Johnny’s behavior. 

Appreciating the multiple levels underlying complex human behaviors takes empathy, patience and kindness. 

It takes willingness to looking inward.

“This is your captain speaking…..……,” and in the most soothing tone he or she continues an announcement. 

Good news, bad news, they always sound so smooth, so in control,  relaxed – even when delivering the toughest announcements. 

Airline captains know their tone, pitch, and rhythm, when speaking over the intercom, conveys even more than the words they may carefully use to communicate with the hundreds of passengers. 

Anxiety, airline pilots know, is highly contagious. 

They know that a plane load of passengers (even those who speak a different language than the captain may use) can hear and detect anxiety without necessarily ever seeing the captain. 

The last thing a flight crew needs is a plane load of anxious passengers. Even under tough or dangerous circumstances, what the captain and crew most need from passengers is that they are both informed and relaxed with relaxed and calm being even more important than informed.

What’s true for an airline captain and crew is also true for you and for me. 

We do our families a great service when we hold onto ourselves (manage ourselves) before we communicate (spread) tough or bad news. 

Families read, hear and catch unmanaged anxiety and it “jumps” to others before we have said a word. 

Anxiety is contagious, in airplanes, schools, businesses, wherever, and in your family.  

“How are you doing?” is a question thrown about with abandon, a polite greeting, or a genuine show of interest. If you were to fully trust and honestly answer with the opportunity to sit down and speak with whomever inquires, what might you say? 

While there are indeed more than 4 options, which best describes you this Monday morning?  Which would you choose and why?

Here are my quickly-drafted definitions. If you so desire, let me know. 

• Spiraling: Usually an emotional slow crises, moving in a downward direction, the gradual slow beginning of feeling out of control. Matters are getting, at an increased speed, out of hand. Spiraling can pertain to any areas of living – finances, relationships, and career.      

• Surviving: Living, with difficultly, through the struggles of life. Day-to-day, week-by-week, barely keeping your head above the proverbial water. This can pertain to any area of living – finances, relationships, career.

• Idling: Waiting, alive but stationary, neither progressing nor regressing, feeling somewhat stuck. This can pertain to any area of living – finances, relationships, career. 

• Thriving: Enduringly enjoying and meeting, and even sometimes beating life’s challenges. It’s making steady progress towards your known and expressed goals. This too, can pertain to any areas of living – finances, relationships, and career.