Archive for January 27th, 2010

January 27, 2010

She wants to leave because of my daughters…..

by Rod Smith

“I am divorced and now live with my girlfriend. My two teenage daughters live with us. The problem is the daughters are very lazy and don’t do much around the house and leave it in a mess. They don’t have much respect and have bad attitudes. My girlfriend is fed up and can’t handle it anymore. We have tried talking to them and asking them to shape up but it only works for a few weeks. My girlfriend says she cannot live in the house with the girls and she is thinking about moving out. I’m stuck between sending my girls to their mother (which they don’t want) or losing my girlfriend.”

Stand up to your daughters -- it is a part of love

Your daughters have more power than you, your girlfriend, or they, can handle. Increase your tolerance for their pain by standing up to them despite the fallout. This is sometimes expected of a loving parent.

Encourage your girlfriend and daughters to discuss their problematic areas face-to-face. Go out while they do it. This might help all three women grow up.

My hunch is that your domestic issues are not about your unhappy trio or an untidy home. I believe they center on your inability to define what you want from life and the willingness to do all it takes to get it.

January 27, 2010

To the “casual” drinker…..

by Rod Smith

Alcohol in mom and dad hits children hard.....!

Your “casual” or “I can take it or leave it” relationship with alcohol might be more than casual if:

(a) It has caused stress in your relationships
(b) It has resulted in public embarrassment
(c) You crave a quick fix of beer or alcohol (and sometimes get it in secret)
(d) It has caused you to miss or be late for work
(e) You believe it’s the only way you can relax.

If any one of the five points hits home for you, your casual relationship with alcohol might have more power over you than you care to admit. But I am not going to try and talk you into seeing the truth behind your “casual” habit – and such convincing usually falls on deaf ears.

Nonetheless, if your “casual” drinking has caused you relational, social, psychological, physical, or professional discomfort, you can be sure it also causes your children pain. It probably puts them on guard and elevates their stress levels. Your drinking changes their world.

There’s a poignant moment in the movie “The Prince of Tides” when a character remarks something like, “Our parents drink and we get the hangover.”