She wants to leave because of my daughters…..

by Rod Smith

“I am divorced and now live with my girlfriend. My two teenage daughters live with us. The problem is the daughters are very lazy and don’t do much around the house and leave it in a mess. They don’t have much respect and have bad attitudes. My girlfriend is fed up and can’t handle it anymore. We have tried talking to them and asking them to shape up but it only works for a few weeks. My girlfriend says she cannot live in the house with the girls and she is thinking about moving out. I’m stuck between sending my girls to their mother (which they don’t want) or losing my girlfriend.”

Stand up to your daughters -- it is a part of love

Your daughters have more power than you, your girlfriend, or they, can handle. Increase your tolerance for their pain by standing up to them despite the fallout. This is sometimes expected of a loving parent.

Encourage your girlfriend and daughters to discuss their problematic areas face-to-face. Go out while they do it. This might help all three women grow up.

My hunch is that your domestic issues are not about your unhappy trio or an untidy home. I believe they center on your inability to define what you want from life and the willingness to do all it takes to get it.

One Comment to “She wants to leave because of my daughters…..”

  1. You cannot change their attitudes – it is impossible to learn something for someone else.
    You cannot force them to shoulder the burden of their responsibilities – it is impossible to create desire in someone else, you can merely encourage empathy with your needs through teaching or empathy with your costs through consequences.
    You cannot force them to tidy up – it is immpossible to move their limbs for them.

    However…

    You can stop them creating more mess by enforcing a tidy up your last mess before commencing a new one policy.
    You can withdraw discretionary rewards like TV and car rides to social events if they fail to respond.
    You can stop all actions of your own that facilitate their laziness by leaving their stuff alone.

    If you do not interpret the ‘You’ above as the collective ‘you’ of you and your girlfriend, then ‘You’ will fail.

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