It’s just how families are……

by Rod Smith

1. Anxiety is passed from generation to generation like a baton in a relay race – deal with it or it will deal with you.
2. Every time you want to step out and do something great, challenging, unusual, or generous, someone in your family (often it will be you, yourself) will try and stop you. (Friedman, Ed.)
3. Invisible loyalties (family ties) will stretch across oceans and often intensify with time and distance. Sometimes they are further intensified by death.
4. Peacekeeping (avoiding necessary conflict) will burn you out a lot quicker than peacemaking (inviting necessary conflict so resolution may be attempted).
5. Forgiveness takes one person; reconciliation takes at least two.
6. The challenge in intimate relationships is not (usually) the ability or willingness to be close, but the ability and the willingness to be sufficiently distinct and apart.
7. The test of a person’s integrity is not how he or she is in public but how he or she treats the persons to whom he or she is closest.

2 Comments to “It’s just how families are……”

  1. Thank you, Rod, for your daily posts! This one really touched me more than usual! I still want to come talk with you soon! 🙂

  2. Rod, those points are excellent! From the time your teaching began to expose the problem of anxiety in relational systems, the more I have wanted to know…It’s like a hidden toxic gas that slowly destoys a person and those around them. Diagnosing it, exposing the symptoms, recommending the treatment needs to be addressed like any other deadly disease…Maybe there needs to be a media campaign about it.

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