Archive for January 3rd, 2010

January 3, 2010

It is hard to stay out of the middle…..

by Rod Smith

“You frequently write to “get out of the middle” and “mind your own business” as if it is easy to do. It is not. My sons (all adults) and my new husband cannot get along and it frustrates me to no end. I am in the middle and it is my business. What can I do to help them?”

Separate yourself from their relationships... so they can have relationships.

Separate yourself so they can find their own relationships.

Privately tell each person how important it is to you, and then leave it. Every time you run interference for your sons or your husband, and try to maneuver their relationships, you make it all the more unlikely that your sons and husband will deal with whatever keeps them at loggerheads.

You might find some relief knowing that a new partner in a second marriage, simply by the role acquired, is positioned for rejection. It can come, at least at first, with the territory. Of course this is not always true or insurmountable. Be sure, it will be pushed further from resolution while you, and not the men in question, are working at it.

What you can do is identify why you are so anxious that everyone gets along. It is possible to be family and accommodate varying degrees of acceptance and rejection.