Archive for January 6th, 2010

January 6, 2010

My father and I are estranged…

by Rod Smith

I am a gay man in my 40s and very comfortable with my life. My father ended our relationship when I told him I was gay about 15 years ago. I have heard he is very, very ill and I would like to see him. Is this likely to dig up stuff for me in a harmful or a helpful way? I am more nervous than I expected but I find I am no longer angry at him at all. Your ideas and suggestions would be appreciated.

Humble yourself and visit your father. Perhaps it is time for you to care for your father in ways you have thought him unable to care for you.

Forgive. Forgive, and forgive- no matter what “surfaces” for you.

Your degree of comfort with your life will be tried and tested by your capacity to embrace your estranged father – especially if his views and attitudes remain unchanged.

This is not about sexuality, or about winning or losing, or about any degree of discomfort you may feel in facing your past – rather, I believe it is about an adult son and a father finding peace, and each other.

Parenting your father, as he nears the end of his life, will offer each of you the ultimate challenge to overcome that that which has divided you for so long and, I believe, your whole family will be better off for it.