1. You experience greater OBJECTIVITY and can “see” your most important relationships as if looking at them through someone else’s eyes.
2. Despite any pain, any trauma, any uncertainty, you can see some HUMOUR in what you are experiencing even if it is short lived.
3. You are progressively gathering a small community of friends who know everything (or almost everything) about you and their SUPPORT is becoming easier to trust.
4. You are seeing with greater and greater CLARITY what are and what are not your responsibilities within your most important relationships.
5.”No” comes easier and it is not accompanied by guilt. “Yes” is your response when you really want what you agree to. You begin to BELIEVE the words you say. Your words reflect you, your desires, and are not said from guilt or the impulse to keep the peace or make others happy.
Indications of becoming healthier in an intimate relationship
My father and I are estranged…
“I am a gay man in my 40s and very comfortable with my life. My father ended our relationship when I told him I was gay about 15 years ago. I have heard he is very, very ill and I would like to see him. Is this likely to dig up stuff for me in a harmful or a helpful way? I am more nervous than I expected but I find I am no longer angry at him at all. Your ideas and suggestions would be appreciated.”
Humble yourself and visit your father. Perhaps it is time for you to care for your father in ways you have thought him unable to care for you.
Forgive. Forgive, and forgive- no matter what “surfaces” for you.
Your degree of comfort with your life will be tried and tested by your capacity to embrace your estranged father – especially if his views and attitudes remain unchanged.
This is not about sexuality, or about winning or losing, or about any degree of discomfort you may feel in facing your past – rather, I believe it is about an adult son and a father finding peace, and each other.
Parenting your father, as he nears the end of his life, will offer each of you the ultimate challenge to overcome that that which has divided you for so long and, I believe, your whole family will be better off for it.
Portrait of a successful or enriched man…
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2. Enriched is the man who does not play “one-up” games. He applauds the success of others. He takes no delight in the hardships, losses, or pain others endure. He is more committed to being patient, kind and hardworking, than he is committed to being rich or to displaying symbols of success.
3. Enriched is the man who would rather lose at a sporting event than he would cheat in order to appear to have won. While he can be fiercely competitive and loves to win, he watches his behavior, and treasures his reputation.
4. Enriched is the man who can drink without becoming drunk; enjoy good humor without resorting to the ridicule of others.
5. Enriched is the man who pauses momentarily, quite regularly, in order to acknowledge his joy at being a man. He treasures his role as one who carries love, truth and kindness to all within his circle of influence.
6. Enriched is the man who can delay gratification in all areas of his life. He does not crave gratification when is is at the cost of damaging his relationships, his finances or his integrity.
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