Archive for January 13th, 2010

January 13, 2010

Leadership woes….

by Rod Smith

Behind the smile.....!

Leadership of your organization (church, synagogue, mosque, hospital, or school) is troubled when:

1. The leader (or leaders) seeks only good news and discredits and discounts negative feedback.
2. Underlings protect the leader from the real truth, real numbers, or what the people are really saying. Underlings run interference and see it as “caring” for the leader.
3. The economy, marketplace, competition, government, or a combination of all are repeatedly blamed for the state of the organization.
4. There are “inner-circle” persons who know the real scoop on what’s going on while others are left guessing.
5. Gossip is rampant and an air of secrecy prevails.
6. People feel trapped but cannot necessarily understand why or how.
7. Planned events to get people together, or to create “buy in” or to “honor everyone” (or dinners, socials) feel contrived because such events are ways to avoid the the real issues and avoid necessary conflict.
8. Behind a ready (public) smile is a short-fused angry man or woman who is set off (in private) by minimal inconveniences.
9. Phrases like “let me remind you who the leader is” and “I don’t want to play the heavy hand but…” mark the encroaching authoritarian edge in the organization.
10. Severed or strained relationships remain unresolved but “life goes on.”

January 13, 2010

She stops her medication…….

by Rod Smith

“My wife (second marriage for us both) left me a few weeks ago after 10 years. She is bi-polar and stops taking her medication. When I told her that her son was using drugs and she was furious with me. I always supported her when he got caught for stealing, fraud, using drugs, and when he was in rehab. He’s back on drugs, having stolen us blind during the past year. This was common. I have not

Get off HER roller-coaster

laid charges against him because I just couldn’t do that to my wife. During the 10 years I saw very little of my children because she didn’t like them. In December she said she ‘never wanted to see’ her son again after a severe incident with drugs and theft. What am I to do? I am still madly in love with her, but she said I killed her love for me. I just can’t take her children’s interference.” (Letter heavily edited)

There are no simple solutions. She is bi-polar and you are riding her roller-coaster. Get off it and into the drivers seat of your life no matter how tough my challenge seems to be. You have NO POWER over her but MUST assume your legitimate power over yourself. Reconnect with your children if they will allow it.