Archive for July 20th, 2010

July 20, 2010

He’s (She’s) divorced! How can I know he’s (she’s) ready to date…..

by Rod Smith

How to know it’s “a go” when dating someone who is divorced…

1. His/her divorce has been finalized (that means completed) for more than a year.
2. He/she takes appropriate responsibility for his or her part in the breakdown of the former marriage.
3. He/she wants a healthy spiritual, emotional, and intellectual relationship with a diverse range of people before becoming intimately involved with any one person.

It MUST get rough to get better

It will be a rough ride if red flags are ignored.....

4. He/she is involved in his/her children’s lives and willingly, generously, and punctually pays child support.
5. He/she places a high priority on rearing his/her own children, while being respectful toward your children and your relationship with them.
6. He/she can conduct meaningful conversations with the former spouse about matters pertaining to the children. That the divorce is REAL is clear – so there are no intimate, or “throw-back” conversations.
7. He/she is very respectful of marriage, sex, the opposite sex, despite the previous breakdown.
8. He/she remains non-anxious by your occasional encounters with his/her former spouse or persons associated with the former marriage.
9. He/she remains non-anxious by your occasional encounters with your former spouse or persons associated with your former marriage.
10. He/she has deep regard for the time and patience required to establish new relationships and is willing allow necessary time for intimacy to properly develop.

July 20, 2010

“He’s over weight” column (yesterday) provokes interesting responses…..

by Rod Smith

Yesterday’s column provoked interesting responses. Here are two:

Some emotional disconnection will be helpful.....

“I would suggest ‘happily married for 16 of 20 years’ ask her husband to increase his life insurance policy so that when he dies prematurely of weight related issues she will have enough to live comfortably with her next spouse. She can make a deal with him to never mention his weight again once he has updated the life insurance policy and then playfully encourage him to eat more. Beyond that, I would hope she continues to stay in great shape with ambitious plans to enjoy her middle age years and beyond, with or without her overweight husband.” (Steve Reynolds)

Come out of hiding...

Take full responsibility only for your own life.....

“So often there is a deep desire in relationships for the other to somehow comply with demands/desires. When we realise that we are ultimately each responsible for our own happiness and have to get on with living the best life we can, things are easier and cleaner. When we take responsibility for our own lives there is less possibility of manipulation. If the woman’s husband wants to enter an early grave she has no control over this. She has to grieve her losses, fall in love with herself again and move on. He may follow suit, he may not.” (Ali)