Archive for July 25th, 2010

July 25, 2010

He tells me I want to talk too much about everything…..

by Rod Smith

“My fiancé tells me I want to talk about everything too much. I have been the ‘therapist’ among my friends since first grade. He hates it when I want to talk through an issue. We were having a debate and I cut him off. He became very angry and told me it was horribly rude and disrespectful to interrupt him. Not even five minutes later, after listening to what he had to say and asking if he was finished, I began to explain my side. Mid-sentence he interrupted me. I stared at him in disbelief before losing my temper and blowing up. I am a firm believer in equality. When I tell him he is being a hypocrite, he blows up and tells me that we don’t need to talk about every little issue. Everyone calls him immature but I wanted to see what an impartial outsider had to say.” (Edited)

I think he's seeking some space.....

Constant in-depth conversations can be exhausting, enough to make some resist all conversation. Discard the therapist label – especially with your fiancé. The very suggestion that you’d be his therapist will be very inappropriate. Besides this, good therapeutic process often allows for silent, purposeful living. To think that therapy is only a matter of talking things through (over-and-over) is to misunderstand therapy almost completely.

I have no idea how immature he is. I’d suggest you not discuss him with “everyone”, which I know, is not only immature, it doesn’t do much for love. Also, keep in mind that our strongest attractions are toward those of equal emotional maturity.

Of course he resists being called names – do you know anyone who welcomes being the victim of such behavior? Try to focus on your behavior, and not on his. It seems you want to pick on him, fix him, change him, more than you want to resolve issues. I’d suggest you go on a month long fast of discussing issues.

Resist the urge to equate love with time spent talking. It can be as much an act of love to walk for hours in silence.

Ironically, verbal processing (talking things through) can send the very issues you wish to face and resolve into hiding.

July 25, 2010

Monday: day of opportunity…..

by Rod Smith

I try to regard Mondays as a smorgasbord of opportunity.

Therefore:

1. I will abandon all resentment and similar internal (emotional, psychological) attempts to freeze me in a less fulfilling past.
2. I will reject small-mindedness and try to see the “big picture” in all I do.
3. I will not alienate others through senseless confrontations and consequently have to expend valuable energy in “cleaning up” after myself.
4. I will focus on being loving rather than on being right even if doing so gives me the appearance of losing face.
5. I will try to be generous, gracious, flexible, and fun.
6. I will resist the natural urge to fix others and make them more like me.
7. I will not pursue those who avoid me nor hide from those who pursue me.
8. I will take time to acknowledge that I am part of a community, part of a team, co-creators, co-hopers, where each of us is working for our mutual success.
9. I will negotiate and cooperate with family members, friends and colleagues and play my part in empowering the greater fulfillment of others.