He tells me I want to talk too much about everything…..

by Rod Smith

“My fiancé tells me I want to talk about everything too much. I have been the ‘therapist’ among my friends since first grade. He hates it when I want to talk through an issue. We were having a debate and I cut him off. He became very angry and told me it was horribly rude and disrespectful to interrupt him. Not even five minutes later, after listening to what he had to say and asking if he was finished, I began to explain my side. Mid-sentence he interrupted me. I stared at him in disbelief before losing my temper and blowing up. I am a firm believer in equality. When I tell him he is being a hypocrite, he blows up and tells me that we don’t need to talk about every little issue. Everyone calls him immature but I wanted to see what an impartial outsider had to say.” (Edited)

I think he's seeking some space.....

Constant in-depth conversations can be exhausting, enough to make some resist all conversation. Discard the therapist label – especially with your fiancé. The very suggestion that you’d be his therapist will be very inappropriate. Besides this, good therapeutic process often allows for silent, purposeful living. To think that therapy is only a matter of talking things through (over-and-over) is to misunderstand therapy almost completely.

I have no idea how immature he is. I’d suggest you not discuss him with “everyone”, which I know, is not only immature, it doesn’t do much for love. Also, keep in mind that our strongest attractions are toward those of equal emotional maturity.

Of course he resists being called names – do you know anyone who welcomes being the victim of such behavior? Try to focus on your behavior, and not on his. It seems you want to pick on him, fix him, change him, more than you want to resolve issues. I’d suggest you go on a month long fast of discussing issues.

Resist the urge to equate love with time spent talking. It can be as much an act of love to walk for hours in silence.

Ironically, verbal processing (talking things through) can send the very issues you wish to face and resolve into hiding.

One Comment to “He tells me I want to talk too much about everything…..”

  1. Ron, I am regular visitor to your blog and do gain healthy diet of practical wisdom. Reading this post I would like to know if you would elaborate or point me to something else you have written that explains what you mean by ‘our strongest attractions are toward those of equal emotional maturity.’ What does this look like in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship?

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