Archive for July 6th, 2010

July 6, 2010

Signs you are in newfound love……

by Rod Smith

“I think I am in love. Please give me some positive signs to affirm that I am in love rather than give me a list of warnings about what could go wrong?” (Edited)

Certainly. It will be my pleasure:

You will find communion rather than anxious attraction.....

1. You find it easy, or it seems natural, to include many of your long-lasting friendships in activities with your newfound love.
2. You are more yourself than ever – there are no eggshells to tiptoe over, no topics to avoid, no facades to perpetuate.
3. You find yourself free of any sense of control or possessiveness when it comes to your newfound love.
4. You maintain a life separate from him or her while you are also becoming closer and closer as the relationship grows.
5. You have had sustained talks about faith, finances, career options, and have discussed the hurdles that accompany matters of faith, finances, and career options.
6. You have met his or her immediate and extended family and are doing what you can to embrace and understand their culture, politics, religion, and a general sense of how they live life.
7. You can’t wait for each new day – that you may embrace the possibilities each new day offers.

July 6, 2010

They want to “live together” in our home…..

by Rod Smith

My son (19) and his girlfriend (18) want to live together in our home. He has a fulltime job but little money. She is a full time student. My wife and I do not agree with this plan and have tuned a blind eye to them regularly being together overnight in our home. If we tell them they cannot live together then he will move away and we will never see them. My wife and I feel trapped. What should we do?

I’d suggest feeling trapped is a feeling you have had long before your son brought home a girlfriend. It’s time to stand up to your son and the ploys you have all allowed to operate in the past.

Try to help your son and his girlfriend (talk with both at the same time) to appreciate the deeper matters. They apparently want an adult intimate relationship without the wallet to sustain it or the desire to commit and make it legal. They want what they can neither emotionally or financially afford. These are the matters worth discussing.

It’s not so much about what is occurring in your home, as distressing as it may be for you. Rather, it’s about whether your son and his girlfriend are sufficiently mature handle the kind of relationship they say they want.