Signs you are in newfound love……

by Rod Smith

“I think I am in love. Please give me some positive signs to affirm that I am in love rather than give me a list of warnings about what could go wrong?” (Edited)

Certainly. It will be my pleasure:

You will find communion rather than anxious attraction.....

1. You find it easy, or it seems natural, to include many of your long-lasting friendships in activities with your newfound love.
2. You are more yourself than ever – there are no eggshells to tiptoe over, no topics to avoid, no facades to perpetuate.
3. You find yourself free of any sense of control or possessiveness when it comes to your newfound love.
4. You maintain a life separate from him or her while you are also becoming closer and closer as the relationship grows.
5. You have had sustained talks about faith, finances, career options, and have discussed the hurdles that accompany matters of faith, finances, and career options.
6. You have met his or her immediate and extended family and are doing what you can to embrace and understand their culture, politics, religion, and a general sense of how they live life.
7. You can’t wait for each new day – that you may embrace the possibilities each new day offers.

One Comment to “Signs you are in newfound love……”

  1. Dear Rod,

    Thank you for this post. Thank you for the guidance. I am looking for similar guidance and perhaps my question might build upon this post since it deals specifically with how one stays the course to create emotional space to ensure a possible new love is the right one.

    Recently I separated from my husband after a failed 8 year marriage. We have two lovely children to show for it and we are committed to friendly parting and continuing on with our family in a different arrangement. Despite the amicable nature of our separation we simply could not make it work despite repeated attempts at reconciliation, counseling, self-improvement and soul searching. We will always be two poles apart – with vastly different backgrounds and values. The separation is a mutual decision and after 2 years of living separately in the same home he will be leaving the matrimonial home in 4 weeks’ time.

    In the last week my dear friend of 24 years expressed his love for me. He has demonstrated many examples of his deepening respect and enduring affection for me – who wouldn’t be bowled over by such a profession of love especially since it was far clearer and more romantic than anything I’ve been used to? He has expressed the grief he felt watching me with my husband for the last 8 years. He too recently separated from his wife of 8 years – our families are entwined and close. There is no doubt his wife knows about his feelings for me and I believe she has been encouraging him. My husband also knows about this long time friendship and would not be surprised or upset if my friend and I connected. Truly, my friend and I have lived on parallel tracks with our lives, loves, and friends and at times the similarities have been downright uncanny. There is no doubt we have been attracted to each other over the years, but for one reason or another we lacked the maturity to “get it together.”

    At this time I have told him that I value his feelings and that perhaps someday in the future it will work. BUT I expressed that right now he needs to be my friend, he needs to give me space and we need to explore our friendship to ensure that if we do start a relationship we both embark from a position of strength – especially in view of how close we have been over the years.

    I need to stay the course. First I need to keep my little family together – developing new routines and creating a space we can be happy in. I also need to get on my feet financially and to be true and strong to myself at this vulnerable time. Emotional independence is something I have always struggled with. While I have been single in the past, with two small children I feel vulnerable to my best friend’s charms. So, I have several questions.

    Am I crazy to think this long time best friend could be my one day lifelong love?

    If I am not crazy, what is a respectable amount of time to wait before I embark on what may well be the “right” path with this charming and attractive fellow? How do I stay the course and impose boundaries without alienating him when it is so tempting to fall into something which is friendly, comfortable and in all likelyhood given our history, likely to work?

    All the best,
    S.

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