Archive for February 22nd, 2006

February 22, 2006

I am “talking” to a man in the Internet and my husband doesn’t know…

by Rod Smith

My husband doesn’t know I am talking to a man on the Internet. We have never met face-to-face but he lives about 100K away and so it is not impossible for us to meet. He wants to phone me but I am hesitant to give him my cell phone number because my husband also uses my phone sometimes. This person “listens” and I can “talk” about anything. I want to meet him. He knows I am married. What should I do? (Letter radically condensed)

The Internet offers an illusion of intimacy. You are being suckered in, conned, and trapped. Do not fool yourself into believing he is “listening” or “loving” you. This anonymous no-good is aiding you to be sidetracked from your marriage and offers nothing worth having.

I?d suggest you cut off all contact with this prowler immediately without explanation. Perhaps he is in the distribution area of this newspaper and might read this column and get the message about your wise decision to move on from this stupidity. Loving, caring men do not operate in the manner you have described.

Focus on your marriage. It is the arena you already have in which to establish something authentic and enduring than will ever become of the deception and duplicity you have recently chosen.

February 22, 2006

I’m married to a pessimist…..

by Rod Smith

“There is an expression that says ‘Two men looked out of the prison bars and one saw mud and the other saw stars.’ Please give me your opinion on ‘negative people’ and how to handle them. I have been married to one for many years and at times it gets me down.”

It is a matter of perspective as “negative people” usually see themselves, not as pessimists, but as “grounded” realists

While it might be hard to believe, your sense of optimism might be as tiring for your spouse as is your spouse’s pessimism is for you.

I’d suggest you avoid the attempt to change a negative person into a positive one. This will meet great resistance and you will unnecessarily corner (or trap) each other over matters that are not worth fighting over.

Try to accept that you are married to a person whom you regard as being negative just as you spouse will have to accept that he or she is married to an optimist. Do not allow your spouse to infect you with negativity (to change you) anymore than you want to try change what they are. Surrender control.

No matter what attitudes surround you, remember that it is you alone, who determines your mood on any given day.

February 22, 2006

Empowered is the school principal who:

by Rod Smith

1. Has the support, trust, and the encouragement of the school community even when unpopular decisions become necessary.
2. Doesn’t have to combat or interpret an internal political minefield within the immediate leadership team, teachers and parent community in order to get meaningful work accomplished.
3. Is sufficiently aware and respectful of the school’s history yet does not allow it to compromise the school’s future.
4. Is not surrounded by “yes” men and women who have lost their capacity to think and who, in their blindness, can foster significant disruption in a school community.
5. Identifies the inevitable “lunatic fringe” existing in every parent community and can therefore effectively resist their agendas, ignore and expose their rumors while remaining aware of their proclivity to disrupt and damage learning communities.
6. Is not engulfed by manipulative parents who use money and status to implement their will or have their children recognized.
7. Is not too busy to have meaningful, daily contact with students.
8. Knows the most dissatisfied parents in a school community are usually those who are already unhappy at home.
9. Does not sacrifice family or personal life for the sake of the school, knowing that success at home and school are inextricably connected.