Archive for February 7th, 2006

February 7, 2006

You are a “piggy in the middle” and that is not love…

by Rod Smith

I am seeing someone else’s wife. This is a real relationship despite what you wrote in “You and Me” a few weeks ago about affairs not being real. We are very close. She stays with her husband for their child’s sake. I am not married. We spend every available moment together. We are in love. It is hard to imagine this is not real. What do you mean? (Letter shortened)

The “for the child” reason is her cop out, and your combined selfishness makes you a perfect match for each other. Congratulations. Each of you has found a way to avoid growing up.

That you feel you are “in love” and feel the relationship is authentic is not in question.

Were the woman to pay the price of committing to you (she is legally committed to her husband) you’d see a shift in what you enjoy with each other.

It is adrenalin, not love, which usually loads affairs with passion and zeal.

Perhaps the loving thing for you to do is to get out of the middle of all this and let the couple sort out their marriage.

Being piggy in the middle is probably not much fun, even if you feel and say it is.

February 7, 2006

Son can’t find a job….

by Rod Smith

“My son (21) graduated from a leading university with an engineering degree and is very depressed because he cannot find employment. He sits all day emailing his resume to companies but gets no replies. He says feels guilty that he can’t get a job and pay his student loan and that life has been unfair to him. He is a loner, has no friends and his interests were his studies and achieving good results. Can you please advise me on how to cope with his depression? I feel so sad for him. He has done so well with his studies and he expected that with good results it would be easier to find employment.”

Of course life is unfair! Did you not teach him this from infancy? “Poor-babying” your son will be most unhelpful. If the young man had the required temerity to land an engineering degree, he probably has what it takes to land a good job. Huddled behind a computer is clearly not working. Perhaps face-to-face cold calling will.

Your parenting responsibilities are over. The ball, like his degree, is in his court. An attitude of self-pity is most unattractive trait even in an engineer.