Archive for February 2nd, 2011

February 2, 2011

Is it love?

by Rod Smith

He loves me, he loves me not!

Love is not possessive. It does not try to cut you off from others. A person who restricts your freedom does not love you despite what he or she says. Sometimes a possessive person will say, “I am just this way because you are not committed,” or “it’s because you are so beautiful.” Actually, possessive people seldom become less so. Their hold on you will only intensify if you permit it.

Love is not jealous. A person who loves you will celebrate your successes and applaud the loudest. He or she will encourage your popularity with others. Sometimes a jealous person will say, “I am jealous because I love you,” or “jealousy shows I care.”

Nonsense.

People are jealous for many reasons but it is never a sign of love.

Love is not only a feeling. It is measured in financial, spiritual, emotional, and sexual fidelity. It listens. (“Emotional” added by Clif Heeney)

The loving person does not play games with your feelings, spend your resources, or keep secret from you, matters that impact your relationship.

Love desires the highest good of all the people in your family. It has no desire to exclude or separate you from others whom you love.

February 2, 2011

Whose issue is it?

by Rod Smith

“My girlfriend says she loves me and would never cheat on me. The problem is she has had a lot of casual intimate relationships in the past but says she has changed and wants to be with only me for the rest of her life. I would like to know what she does when I am not around. I can’t be around her all the time and when I am not I feel as if she is going back to her old ways. I ask her to call me and to text me every hour or so when we are not together just to be certain she is ok but she doesn’t want to do this. I want her to stay at home with her family when she is not with me just to be safe. Whenever I confront her about this stuff she starts crying. She says I don’t trust her but there is so much that has happened in the past that I think she should do what I ask so she can regain my trust.”

While her past torments you and while you monitor her behavior you will not find a mutual, trusting, and respectful relationship. It is you that has the trust issue.