She goes shopping for the whole day with her friends….

by Rod Smith

“My wife ‘disappears’ about once a month for a day at a time to go shopping with her three best friends. They start early with breakfast and go mall hopping, then they have lunch. After lunch they hit the malls again and then get dinner together. Sometimes they end the day with a movie and it is ten or eleven o’clock before she gets home. This gets to me. My wife gets upset and says I am the only husband who complains. It’s not the money – my wife is very good with money. I think that just because my wife doesn’t have to work it doesn’t mean there are not things that have to be done around the house and I just like her to be home when I get home.” (Edited)

Use your time to show your love....

Be grateful that this is your domestic issue, that your wife has a life outside of the home, that she has committed friendships, and that she is part of a community of women who want to spend time together.

On her days out, once you arrive home, get busy with completing the “things that have to be done” while you are home alone. Working around the house will get your mind off her absence and demonstrate the love you feel for her.

Unhook your wagon, sir. It is possible to love your wife without monitoring her. It is possible for you to have similar involvement with a group of friends.

Really, this is such a wonderful problem to have. Support your wife. Suggest she go out more than once a month. Celebrate her life and her community rather than trying to dampen and suppress it. Get more of a life for yourself, one that doesn’t depend so much on her, and find your own freedom.

You can do all this and remain wonderfully married. Repeat after me and commit to memory: No one can BOTH love and control the same person — it’s either one or the other.

2 Comments to “She goes shopping for the whole day with her friends….”

  1. Your wish to meet your wife at home when you are back is understandable.Let her know that and listen to her when she explains why she does want to go to the mall.Establish open and deep level about communication.Freedom is necessary in relationship to avoid fear between you both .
    Then build up your “us” .

  2. Thanks for writing about authentic love, Rod — I can’t imagine “falling in control” with someone. The advice to “Unhook your wagon, sir” sounds like a bumper sticker; it’s that good.

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