I am seeing my former college professor, who is also a married man…

by Rod Smith

“I have been in a relationship for two years with my married, former college professor. How in the world do I end this? I have never been in love. I was raised a strict Catholic, even looking at a married man was against my morals. Somehow I got lost. I looked up to him so much now the man who I thought was my hero has destroyed me. How do I end this?”

As you have discovered, layers of deception under girding your covert liaison cannot lead to long-term fulfillment. The imbalance of power, and your vulnerability, while skewing the responsibility toward this devious professor, does not let you off the hook. You too, are an adult. Regarding your faith: this is not about knowledge. It is about distorted “space” (the room and the distance between you) and very fuzzy boundaries. Take the initiative. Cut all ties. Offer no explanation. Don’t fall for the “closure” nonsense. The pain you will experience is worth it, and will be nothing compared to the pain you will know when the relationship is exposed, or when the professor decides to go his selfish way and to cut off from you. You deserve better, but will not find it until you walk through this fire, get some rest, gain perspective, and then are able to move on.

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2 Comments to “I am seeing my former college professor, who is also a married man…”

  1. Real love cannot be built upon deceit. This guy is married and having an affair with you. It cannot possibly be love, as love is not dishonest.

    You end it by focusing on the fact that it’s not love. In no way can love be built out of deceit.

  2. I agree that this is not real love, and you should end it. Closure comes not by letting the man down easily, but by severing it immediately without explanation or drawn out goodbyes. I hope that the man speaks to his wife about this. The life she thinks she has is a lie because of him. Noone deserves this.

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