We met and had an affair…. will he do then same to me?

by Rod Smith

“I had an affair and we now live together. It was very passionate. I was the true love he’d been looking for his whole life. Being divorced myself, this was also very thrilling for me. It really was, despite all the secrecy of our relationship, and it was the time when our relationship was at its best. We argue more now than we ever did while we were having an affair. I understand that things would ‘cool down’ but sometimes I think he regrets leaving his wife. Do you think he might have another affair and cheat on me?”

Please write, I'm reading...

Please write, I'm reading...

Extra-marital affairs are very seductive. They seduce the participants from their real issues and offer a false sense of belonging. The intensity you describe was probably not the product of authentic love, but of the secrecy and deceit required to maintain the affair. Adrenalin and anxiety combined can feel very much like the kind of love for which you have always longed.

Of course he might regret his divorce. Just as you too have discovered, he may also be reminded that his new domestic set up is not all he believed it would be. Since each of you is capable of cheating, as you have already demonstrated, of course it is possible for each of you to betray each other with someone else.

4 Comments to “We met and had an affair…. will he do then same to me?”

  1. Rod,
    What you said is very true. An affair is void of the daily responsibilites and concerns of a long term relationship such as marriage. An affair is fun, responsibilty free, new, fresh and often times can wear the mask of “love”.
    Time for this couple to sit down and really assess where they are at in their relationship. Yes, this relationship is vunerable for cheating. The pattern has already been set.

  2. That’s the real question everyone who met that way eventually asks. You should keep in mind the situation you and he were in before. Were you unhappy? Was the relationship doomed already?
    Have him be totally honest about his relatiuonship before you. Was it bad? If so, why? What made him stray? Did you scratch an intellectual itch for him? What was the draw to you?
    If you determine that he was in a happy place and left for you, your concern is probably justified.

  3. Why wouldnt he, he showed you who he was when you two met. If he did it to the first, why not the second. Besides what was the nature of the affair, was he depressed in his first relationship? OR Was he just out looking for fun? Answering these questions says alot about him? Does he express remorse with his affair with you? Does he talk about how he feels about the relationship? A lot of us men may talk with our better half about how the relationship seems to us when things seem rocky, then again some guys dont talk at all they just look else where for excitement, was his scenario one of the two….. You see unless he has manifested TRUE sincere sorrow for his infidelity to you even, chances are he’s not SORRY for breaking a life long promise with his wife…… unless she cheated on him, & even then it does’nt justify his, he should have just divorced her to maintain his loyalty & dignity because now you have built some distrust in him & its probably for good reason. Ponder these things….. & next time dont hook up with a cheater unless he has sorrow for what he’s done. make sense? I hope so!!!
    I’m truly sorry for your dilema
    take care, merrell

  4. It’s funny how your situation sounds similar to my husband and girlfriends affair. Could this be my husband’s mistress or just some other wife’s problem? My husband and I started our relationship and marriage to quickly. Very attracted to each other and obviously head over hills in lust thinking we we’re in love. Over the past 3 years will be 4 in March. I’m very much in love with my husband. We both have kids from past relationships and we both love all kids dearly. No body is perfect and everyone makes mistakes but a lonely woman will do anything to get the love from an unhappy husband. She figures she can do all the things he want’s his wife to do, not giving a thought of what his wife did do for her husband. She thinks she got her victim, but doesn’t realize she is the victim. My marriage means everything to me. My anger and attitude pushed my husband away. Not making it okay for his wrongful actions. The trust has been broken, disrespect, unfaithfulness, lies, and humility is all the work of the devil working to destroy gods lovely creations. I realized I have no control over the situation therefore I place it in God’s hands to fix what is meant for me and my family. I’ve been the other woman, been the woman, been rejected and have reject. I speak on experience, as a woman. If a man doesn’t tell you before you involve yourself with him in regards to his martial status, then how would you know. But if he tells you he is married and expecting a baby. Regardless of your feelings, you need to back off and find your own man. Yes, he is going to blame his unhappiness on his wife and only tell you what she has done to him but leaving out what he has done to her. That’s a setup for you to feel he needs you and you can fulfill all his needs better than his wife. Yes, he makes you think you are what he has been looking for. So, tell me this why does he keep going back to his wife wanting to work out his marriage? Why hasn’t he divorced her? If he no longer wants her? Think about it you may think he wants you and loves you and playing house with you. You are just a temp like a temp job when a job hires a temp to fill the part time position until your services are no longer needed. Remember you’re not his wife and until he does divorce, I advise a mistress to step away and whatever the situation is they don’t need your help with figuring out the best way to settle. Especially if there are children involved. All that happens is the kids are confused and feel guiltily for keeping a secret from the step-mother who helps take care of them. As for myself, I could never allow myself to be the cause of breaking up another woman’s home and family because of my selfish needs. I have so much more respect for my self to settle for just anything. Look at the picture a little closer than what you are allowing you to actually see. Because your divorced that doesn’t mean you are free to fall in love with another woman’s husband. I don’t know you, but I will pray for you. The choices we make in life, we will always pay for the consequences. If he lies to his wife yes he will do the same to you. As long as you except what he is doing to his wife and you. Because what you allow, of course that’s what he is going to go for. You showed him your weakness like he showed him yours. So, tell me what makes any woman fighting for a man whom never belonged to her is going to win the fight she thinks is hers to love? That’s where woman need to leave another woman’s man alone and search for her own. How dare anyone husband or wife allow their child regardless of age, to sleep in the same bed with their lover? I find it very sick and disheartening for anyone to disrespect the other parent like that. Are children go through enough as it is with the fact that their parents are not in the same home with them, but to visit and sleep in the bed with daddy and his girlfriend or mommy and her boyfriend. Regardless of the age of a child, they know the difference and they are smarter then we think they are. I swear the two of them should be ashamed of themselves and have no respect for them. I don’t push myself on my husband he keeps coming back to me. But it seems when we try to work on things as friends, she then wants to be back in the picture again. The woman that I am, I don’t stand in nobody’s way of happiness. What’s that saying “If you love someone one, you set them free, and if they come back then it was meant to be” something like that. I even seen a picture of this female and she is not attractive at all she is way older than him. I notice my husband trying to be someone she wants him to be. LOL Boy do woman kill me with the way they think. Well anyways I will continue to pray for god to touch my husband and get him to realize home is with his wife and family. The only way anybody will find joy, love and happiness is to believe in god and forgive those who were so angry that they blamed everyone else besides thy-SELF for the choices they choose to make. I’ve learned from this because I experienced it. May the lord bless you, the way he has been blessing me!

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