Archive for ‘Education’

March 30, 2023

Be the adult you want your children to be

by Rod Smith

Today, and every day, try to be the adult you hope your children will become. How else will they learn what it means to be an adult? Who else will teach them?

Try to stop blaming the teachers, coaches, or the school for your child’s every challenge, difficulty, or hurdle. Blame restricts maturing, yours and theirs.

Try to stop blaming the government, the economy, or prejudice for every distress or dilemma you face, unless you think blame will be a good tool for your child to take into adulthood. If you want your children to be adults who take responsibility for their lives then show them how it’s done. Your children won’t forget your temper tantrums no matter how young they may be; and they will probably emulate them.

Demonstrate, by your own display of excellent manners, the manner in which you hope your child will navigate life and relationships. It is true, they are going to watch and learn from multiple sources, but you are their primary resource when it comes to how they will respect and treat others. Little eyes are watching.

Respect, visit, and be kind to the elderly so they know exactly how to do it when it’s your turn.

Dismiss no one; look down on no one. Young eyes and ears are absorbing how to be in the world, and we, we parents, are the primary teachers.

March 29, 2023

If the cap fits…….

by Rod Smith

“If the cap fits……. wear it,” as my dear dad would say.

Am I writing to you? I hope not. 

Dear Business Owner

Your life impacts the lives of many others. Your decisions create waves for others to sink or swim. Consider it an act of compassion to think about the impact your decisions have on many others. Live to empower and encourage rather than plunder and accumulate. 

Your financial status has power and how you use or misuse it reveals everything about your character. You appear unaware that some people are intimidated by wealth and feel beholden to you, while also welcoming their adultion.  

Walk gently. 

Hold onto the knowledge that there are people wealthier than you who have managed to be wealthy, kind, and generous. 

It is possible. 

Try not to forget there are people who are much poorer than you who are vastly happier and more content than you appear to be. Your concerns, worries, anxieties, successes, conquests, apparently give you the idea that you are the center of the universe. 

You are not. 

A moment of compassion from you expressed toward others – beginning with your vast payroll – many of whom are struggling, will make all the difference both to you and to many others.

At present your life is heartily affirming the age-old idea that money cannot buy happiness.

A Very Distant  Observer

March 28, 2023

Two stoops or more…..

by Rod Smith

“Writing in the sand” is a strong metaphor for me.

My usage is in reference to a New Testament moment. 

When confronted by men who desire to trap him, Jesus twice stoops to draw or to write in the sand. 

Theologians have postulated much on what it was he wrote or drew.

I believe he was “steel-ing” himself. He was readying himself for a strong, suitable reply to what may have appeared to bystanders to be an impossible dilemma. Jesus was thinking, mulling things over, reminding himself of his calling and the power that was his and and was not his. 

He was doing what you and I are called to do when faced with dilemmas, complex or  easy. 

When we take time to write or draw in the sand we give ourselves the time we need to consider many options when we make decisions. 

Taking the time offers time for increased perspectives. 

He was no loose cannon and we know how damaging they can be. 

I have been writing or drawing in the sand for months, designing and planning suitable responses to tough situations. 

It has taken me far more than two stoops and I know I will make many more. 

But, I will emerge and act on decisions made while stooping these many times and drawing in the sand.   

March 26, 2023

Fully adult?

by Rod Smith

I believe we are fully adulthood when: 

We can be authentic with all people, including our parents, treating all others respectfully as equals, despite rank, position or the apparent lack of it.

We respect mutuality and equality, and want both in all of our relationships.

We have acknowledged our hurts, grieved appropriately, and decided to live to the fullest. 

We can delay gratification.

We have stopped blaming others for the condition of our lives, especially our parents. 

Ambiguity, mystery, and uncertainty are allies, not enemies. We can hold seemingly conflicting thoughts and beliefs without becoming unsettled.

We are able to recognize when and how we were victimized but no longer think, speak, feel, or behave like victims.

We have a small group of people to whom we talk about almost everything, but feel no compulsion to tell anyone everything.

We stop apologizing for things for which we could never be held responsible and efficiently clear up misunderstandings. 

We can see that all things are related and are therefore hesitant to apply quick solutions to complex problems. We respect the law of unexpected consequences.

We learn to appreciate and love “the moment” rather than live as if we are perpetually waiting for a day when things will be better.

We can perceive when others do not have our best interests at heart yet remain appropriately engaged with such people.

March 22, 2023

What may you hear if you listen to your life……?

by Rod Smith

When you stop and listen to your life  – your emotions, urges, compulsions, complaints –  what may your life be attempting to say to you? Here are some things I perceive my life tries to draw to my attention, and what I have seen clients self-identify as they pay attention to their lives:

  • You are carrying fear. Have you considered finding out where it comes from? It may come from a generation or two before you. Fear can travel from generation to generation. What purpose is it serving for you? What will it take for you to lay it aside for a while or get rid of it completely?
  • You want to reconnect with old friends and several people who have known you for a long time. What is holding you back? Why are you resisting? What memories are you trying to avoid as you re-embrace this beautiful time of your life? You seem to be choosing loneliness when company is available.
  • What grief is tugging at you for attention? What losses are you ignoring that won’t let you off the hook? Uncried tears will manifest, be it through anger or sadness or both. Identify the source of your grief.
March 18, 2023

Blending families

by Rod Smith

Blending families, smoothly and successfully, is not easy. 

Each family imports its own set of norms and expectations into the new family configuration and these norms and expectations will inevitably clash. Each person, too, brings expectations into the new family quite apart from what the rest of what his or her original family brings to the party. There will also be remaining scars from the sequence of events that made blending two families possible in the first place. 

Blending families calls for super-maturity from the marrying or newly married adults. 

They are called to lead in such a manner that all the members of the newly constituted family’s voices are heard and opinions are respected, irrespective of age.

The adults will be wise to avoid blaming others like a former spouse or former in-laws for the inevitable difficulties that will arise. 

The adults will be wise to avoid disciplining other people’s children, even if he or she is newly married to the children’s mom or dad. 

The adults will be wise to avoid believing the children – no matter what they may say when wanting to please the parent – want this new family as much as the newly married adults do. 

The adults will be wise to speak well of the parents who are excluded from this new blended family.

[The Mercury—Monday]

March 18, 2023

Something a little longer for Sunday….. 

by Rod Smith

One thing I notice about the parables of Jesus and other favorite New Testament events, even Jesus one-liners, is that just as soon as I think I understand the parable, the event, the one-liner, it does a number on me.

Refuses to be conquered.

Reveals I’m scratching the surface in understanding, let alone application.

I know this to be true as I study Jesus’ desert trials, His relationship with Peter, betrayals, the terrors of Gethsemane, The Transfiguration, The Woman caught in adultery, “love your enemies,” to name a few. 

For 10 years (at least) these events in Jesus’ life and many of His sayings have refused to let me go and keep offering me more and more opportunities for understanding and for application.

Who really knows what Jesus meant when he said “a seed must die to bear fruit” (John 12:24) and I am not talking botany?

Every believer worth his or her salt has a go at “unpacking” (my least favorite verb I hear in Christendom) this but I think most attempts at interpretation fail to grasp the larger application of the metaphor, let alone how the “death” occurs and how it applies to you and to me.

 Let me know if you think you know. 

Parables, if we are willing to resist the thought that we already know all there is to know about any one of them, will unfold meaning for years and go deeper and deeper into the willing heart with revelation.

Thinking I know becomes a blockage. My blockage. Time after time reading them I go back to what I already know, which keeps new understanding waiting in the wings for an opportunity to get a moment on stage.

Another thing I find blocks my learning is when I become an insight addict and seek insight and more insight into Scripture but resist or refuse to put the insights into the daily-life action.

Insight, without accompanying action, is not only useless, it blocks further revelation. Then, if I get any insight, refusing to act on what I see becomes a ditch into which my insight tumbles and I become another of millions upon millions of Christains who are incredibly insightful who are very willing to talk, often endlessly, about what they see in whatever be the Biblical topic. And that’s about it.

My gosh, have I met some insightful and loquacious Christians?

Certainty, too, seals shut possibilities of growth and learning. 

It stops discovery. Certainty block’s revelation. 

I find embracing ambiguity and possibility for behavior change opens the floodgates to new understanding and new ways to be in the world.

Understanding Scripture requires change. Transformation. Understanding Scripture will demand it be more than an academic exercise and will seek to influence who and how we are as men and women in our various roles in our various communities and within our families.   

I have read the “Prodigal Son” many many times and have often thought I have a reasonable take on Jesus’ point. My perspectives change if I read it as if I am the Older Brother when my default has always been to read it as the younger, returning son, the “good” guy. When reading the parable from the Older Brother’s point of view I have no problem understanding why he has an issue with the upstart’s return and why he avoids the party. If I read it from the perspective of the Father it doesn’t take long before I am reduced to tears. I think I know that kind of love, at least as much as I am able. My sons have been trying to teach me about it since they entered the world and broke into my heart.

Shifting my point of view when I read “The Good Samaritan” also allows for new insights. I start from the perspective of the “questioning” lawyer. Then I move on through Jesus’ list of characters and end up reading it as the victim who receives assistance from the Samaritan.

When I read it as The Samaritan, I am reduced to tears.

In contrast to the “trained” and the professionals, the ones who should know, the rejected one is the loving one, the one who was never considered a neighbor, the “other,” is the one who goes the extra mile and loves his enemy and models neighborliness.

Have a fabulous Sunday.

March 15, 2023

Stutter

by Rod Smith

It’s a Saturday morning. 

I’m 11. 

I am riding my bike on the gravel entrance to E. W. G. Smith, General Dealer, my dad’s grocery shop as I have done for years.

A car eases alongside me and the driver leans his head out of the open window and asks me directions to Parkhill Soccer Club. 

I know where it is but …. but… but everything I know sticks in my head. 

Words fail. 

Arms twitch. 

My neck stretches. 

Nothing. 

Not a sound will come out of me but for gasps and whelps. 

Then, I am choking on words. 

Monosyllabic squeaks and squawks shot-gun out of me and I can’t stop. 

I turn my bike to look elsewhere and point down the road. 

The driver mimics my sounds, movements, and laughs and points. He fake-chokes. He spits, jerks his head, playing to his audience, a car full of adults. They all begin to move their arms, spit, copy my rapid repetitions until at last the driver shifts his gears and the car tires rip the gravel and the merciless mockers are gone.

I retreated into the house and into myself. 

Closed all doors. 

I am debilitated. 

For days I want to hide in shame and resist venturing into daylight. 

Yes, I’m 11 and I enter days of dark silence, moodiness, and humiliation. 

I can’t shake this stutter. I can’t shake the shame. 

The memory of trying to give directions to a place I knew so well plays repeatedly in my head and humiliation washes over me everytime i think of it and even when I don’t.

March 13, 2023

Suggestion for Hallmark

by Rod Smith

I’m amused at how many “special days” there are and how many I miss. I’ve got the very best sister and brother on the planet but “National Siblings Day” comes and goes and I’m usually none the wiser. I missed “National Sons Day” quite recently. “French Bulldog Day” too, comes and goes and I’m yet to post a picture of Maggie dressed to the nines in her French Pink collar. 

I’d like to suggest a few new holidays for Hallmark or whoever pushes these special days:

Good Samaritan Day — love someone (send flowers, bake cookies, research what he or she needs and provide it) whom you could legitimately reject or who could legitimately reject you. That, after all, is the essence of the parable. It’s not about dumping “the poor” with stuff you don’t need or want.

Prodigal Day — Dismount your high horse and throw a party of welcome for all the “wrong” and “lost” and rejected people you know whether they’ve “changed” or not. There’s no indication in the parable that the returning son has “repented” and it may well be you or me who really has to.

Woman Caught in Adultery Day — leave your “stones” of judgment at home and walk through the day humbly aware of your own shortcomings. Jesus gives the woman a break and an identity. Let’s do the same for all the “tragic figures” we meet and perhaps someone will have and display similar grace for us, yes, you and me.

Meet Maggie
March 11, 2023

Are real conversations a dying art?

by Rod Smith

Screen-obsession may be rendering face-to-face conversations a dying art. 

You may have noticed some people can look deeply into a screen for hours but are uncomfortable, even unsettled, rattled really, with the briefest of human eye-contact. 

I acknowledge this idea will not fly in some cultures and contexts and none of which I’ll name.

Adapt the words (adjust, make the idea sound like your own) that follow to avoid sounding ridiculous and contrived, but use the broad ideas in face-to-face conversations.

Be gentle, you may be met with delight or horror!

“I am interested in how you arrived here (this job, predicament, fabulous place). Tell me as much as you’d like me to know.” 

“I will give you an hour (ten minutes, two hours, choose your amount of time) of uninterrupted time to tell me as much or as little about anything you choose. I will listen with both ears, both eyes, and all my heart and offer zero advice or judgment.”

“I’d love to hear about what you want from your life and about your plans to achieve what you want with your life.”

“What are the three or four greatest challenges you’ve ever faced? I’m interested in learning. Tell me as much or as little as you’d like me to know.”

[web only- not for Merc]

Some time ago – my sons. Pure delight.