Is found in our connection with others (a connection sufficiently powerful so that we are not alone) and can therefore give and receive strength to and from each other. It is yet separate enough so that we not drain each other of the adventure of being unique and distinct beings. This is one of the greatest blessings accompanying our humanity and, when it fails, it becomes the source of exceedingly powerful pain.
July 16, 2012
A psychic has my husband talking to his dead father…..
“I have been married for 40 years. I have made serious financial mistakes in our marriage largely due to extreme fear of my husband’s temper and inability to talk to him. After his father’s death two years ago my husband sought out psychics who now have him talking to his dead father. They have mapped out a new life for my husband telling him to end our marriage. No amount of begging, crying, can get him to agree to counseling. He fully believes what his new friends are telling him and nothing else matters. Our whole family believes he needs mental health evaluation. I do not know what to do. Do you have any advice? I realize counseling will be long and hard but I firmly believe you do not throw 40 years away because a psychic tells you to leave. This made sound made up, but it is the honest truth. You would not believe all the weird things he is now into.”
Convincing the convinced is impossible. Attempting to force or cajole your husband will only drive him closer to what you do not want. As difficult as it may seem, your hope lies in placing a firm focus on what you want and what you will do with your future.
July 14, 2012
Indications of becoming healthier in an intimate relationship
1. You experience greater OBJECTIVITY and can “see” your most important relationships as if looking at them through someone else’s eyes.
2. Despite any pain, any trauma, any uncertainty, you can see some HUMOUR in what you are experiencing even if it is short lived.
3. You are progressively gathering a small community of friends who know everything (or almost everything) about you and their SUPPORT is becoming easier to trust.
4. You are seeing with greater and greater CLARITY what are and what are not your responsibilities within your most important relationships.
5.”No” comes easier and it is not accompanied by guilt. “Yes” is your response when you really want what you agree to. You begin to BELIEVE the words you say. Your words reflect you, your desires, and are not said from guilt or the impulse to keep the peace or make others happy.
July 13, 2012
Love AND Control
Love and control cannot co-exist in the same relationship anymore than light and dark can exist together in the same space at the same time.
July 12, 2012
Draw the line…..
There is no good reason ever why any person ought tolerate poor treatment from another.
You teach people how to treat you.
I know you may feel trapped and without an escape route or a friend in the world, but you must get help if this post is reaching deeply into you.
July 11, 2012
The women is the problem in 9 of 10 cases — reader rants
“‘Leave your husband,’ the articles say. Yes, because it is always the male of the relationship who is attributed any symptoms. I got news for you partner, in every relationship that I have ever been in it has been the woman, not the man. Oh, I know, what a hateful thing to say because all women are obviously innocent little angels. Give me a break people! In nine out of ten cases, the woman is always the problem in the relationship. Always! My present partner exhibits bad relationship habits and at the risk of my mental health and the mental health of our daughter, not to mention the nine other children that she has left to rot all over the country. Women are inconsiderate, lazy and hateful. They are selfish and have absolutely no control over their emotions. Plain and simple truth and everyone knows it. It is time to wake up people and stop hiding behind the guise of political correctness. Especially when the only humans made to sit within the legal bounds of politically correct speech is males.” (Minimal edits)
And you, sir, I bet are an absolute delight to know. In all of your ranting, did you ever consider what it is that repeatedly attracts you to such troubled women?
July 8, 2012
Life-rules when you are 10 and a boy
- Swimming is the same as having a bath or taking a shower.
- Taking a real bath or shower using actual soap and shampoo makes you clean for four days.
- Licking your fingers is the same as washing your hands.
- Turning your clothing inside out it is the same as putting on clean clothes.
- Eating an apple is the same as brushing your teeth.
- Putting on a shirt by pulling it over your head combs your hair.
- Making your bed wastes playing time because you get into it at night.
- Eating potato chips gives you all the vegetables you need.
- Tidying a bedroom is ridiculous if you can already see any part of the floor or carpet.
- Sleeping wastes play time except on school days.
- You can climb and throw anything if you really want to.
- Flossing and flushing should be avoided.
- Bodies of water must be disturbed, no matter how peaceful or beautiful, you must throw something into it be it a pond, a pool, or the ocean.
- Lit candles anywhere, like on a birthday cake or on a table in a restaurant must be disturbed; they must NEVER be left alone.
July 4, 2012
He flew off the handle when I read to him in bed last night……
“After fifteen years and I have finally come to grips with the fact that my husband is manipulative. I was reading a marriage book to him last night and it touched on all the things he was doing. He flew off the handle and that let me know he was guilty. I had been told he had been doing this by family but could not see it. Now I see it. I left him once and came back because of manipulation. God has opened my eyes. I have four children. I no longer want this relationship, and because I decided to come back to him to work on the relationship, my family is upset with me but, when I leave this time, I am not coming back. The only way to keep from falling back into a situation like this is to pray and ask God to get me out of the situation. Once out, I will stay out, no matter what.” (Edited)
Three things:
- Stop blaming your husband for your actions.
- Be sure you work at least as hard at this as you want God to work at it.
- You get an “A” for style – reading a marriage book to him that touched on all the things he was doing!
July 3, 2012
Thoughts on Leadership revisited
Great leaders are a rare find. Power-trip “leaders,” martyrs as “leaders” self-pitying “leaders” and manipulative “leaders” are plentiful; they run countries and cities and teams all over the place but great leaders are like an endangered unprotected species. It’s unusual to find them running anything at all.
I had a high school teacher who perfected the art of great leadership, and I saw it at work recently in a well-known coach. Although I am not always certain, I have read about a few mayors who apparently have a clear grasp of it. But the scarcity is understandable. Inevitably, authentic leadership will be opposed, resisted, often rejected and even put to death. It unwittingly unsettles every complacent trace within us, and, once we enter its influence, it challenges our laziness and seems to expect that we deliver our best. For these reasons such leadership is often unwelcome.
In the face of…
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July 2, 2012
Healthy men are interested in healthy women…..
“I’m 43 years old and divorced with a child. I’ve been attracted to this man for over a year. We both work in the same place. I speak to him by saying ‘hi’ or ‘good morning.’ I don’t chase him but I look at him and walk on. Sometimes I catch him looking in my direction and he smiles. Why am I always attracted to the wrong kind of men especially married ones? Since my divorce I haven’t had much luck with men. I don’t go out I just stay home. Maybe someday I’ll find someone. Right now I’m just letting time takes its course.”
I commend you for recognizing the man is married. Attractions, as you seem to perfectly understand, do not give you permission to act. You are “holding onto yourself” despite your attractions. This is good self-management and will prove to be good for you and for your child.
While I understand your use of the colloquial “luck” with men, I’d suggest meeting the “right” man would not be a matter of luck but rather the result of your focusing on your personal development. The “right” men, men who are caring and ambitious, thoughtful and well read, are interested in women who are the same.
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