Archive for February 20th, 2010

February 20, 2010

Don’t hold me accountable until you do that with your bratty kid!

by Rod Smith

“I have a daughter (5) and I have been with my partner for over a year. My daughter stays with her grandparents during the week to help me with gas. My partner does not work and I pay all the bills. He gets angry with me because he believes that I do not hold my daughter accountable. I don’t hit my child but I do talk to her so she has an

Rod Smith, MSMFT

understanding what she is doing is wrong. I do not want my daughter to fear me, I want her to respect me. He has a drinking problem and surrounds with people that are no good. When I bring up my concern he says, ‘Don’t hold me accountable until you do that with your own bratty kid.’ What am I to do? I want to leave but I feel as though he would fail himself and put himself in situations that will jeopordize his life and well being. I love him but I believe that things will never change.”

This will go nowhere worth going for you until you love yourself more than you love your daughter and you love your daughter more than you love him. I’d suggest you devise an immediate escape plan. Your daughter, not this manipulator, is your responsibility.

Jean Hatton

I think being ‘held accountable’ is a good idea, but not concerning him. I would ask you to consider that you have brought this man into your home and by so doing, have put yourself and your daughter’s well being at risk. It sounds like he has done nothing but add stress and guilt to your life as he makes demands on you to keep him happy. Loving your daughter is your priority. Be accountable for the decision that you made to bring this angry controlling man into your lives — and choose the healthy way out.

February 20, 2010

I don’t want to lose him….

by Rod Smith

Rod Smith, MSMFT

“I am 26 and have been living with the father of my children for five years. We are not married and he has been cheating on me ever since. He claims to be a changed person now but I don’t trust that. He still goes onto ‘Mxit’ and chats to uknown females and I am uncomfortable with that. I have been through this so many times but I haven’t moved out the house. He has been horrible towards me and he seems to be doing it all over again. I am really afraid to lose him. I don’t want my kids to grow up without their dad, like I did. Please can you help me?”

Probably not. Until you change your behavior and refuse victimhood matters will deteriorate. You desire relief from pain without spending the necessary “clean” pain to get there. Insight is useless when people are unwilling to change and, something in this sad scenario works for you – or you would have moved on years ago.

Yes. You are uncomfortable, but apparently not sufficiently uncomfortable to plan a major move. About losing him? That’s already occurred.

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