Archive for February 17th, 2010

February 17, 2010

Do you need therapy?

by Rod Smith

Rod Smith, MSMFT

Given the absence of a glaring symptom or two, here is a brief test (answer at least one as a ‘yes”) to establish if you might benefit from some personal therapeutic work:
1. You experience some anxiety at the thought of being in a room for an hour or two with all members of your immediate family in order to discuss your life and your life-choices.
2. Spending time with one or both of your parents makes you anxious, annoyed, or leaves you exhausted.
3. You can find little or nothing positive to say about some members of your family and you do all you can to avoid spending time with them.
4. You are harboring unforgiveness or grudges from events that occurred in the past and you can’t bring yourself to directly address the related family members.
5. You have to modify the truth or run interference about any one family member (your husband, for instance) when talking with other family members (your sister or parents, for instance).
6. You find yourself being zealously competitive with your peers and see almost everything as a race or competition which you must win.
7. You have a short-fuse and are inordinately angry at the drop of a hat over matters that most people regard as insignificant.

February 17, 2010

What can I do to be “lower” maintenance?

by Rod Smith

“I am a high maintenance or attention seeking person. Having looked over the relationships that I have had, especially with women, I have found that I crave attention. If I do not get it to my seeming satisfaction, I get resentful or am smugly superior to the people. Sometimes this is very subtle. It can stem from being turned down for a date or not having

Lower your expectations of others....

a call returned. In relationships I am jealous if I am not the center of activity. I seem to be never satisfied or trusting. I seem to be always afraid I will not get the attention that I crave. I fully agree with the need to grow up and not be so sensitive, so here’s the question: coming to the realization is great, but what actions can I take to help me become less needy of the affirmation of others?” (Edited)

Change is initially internal, beginning with awareness. The nature of your issue makes it a private journey – if you ask your friends for help, in a weak moment you are likely to blame others when you fail. Read every available book available on personal boundaries. Keep on reading, journaling, and lowering your expectations of others.

Jean Hatton

JEAN HATTON: You have discovered valuable insights into your behavioural patterns and I commend you for your choice to say ‘Now what do I do?’ I would encourage you to seek help through therapy. ‘Walking through, and talking through issues of your history of relationships will shed more light on what you have found, giving you answers to the reasons for your behaviour.