Handling emotional affairs

by Rod Smith

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An emotional affair (a non-sexual inordinate attachment with someone other than the spouse) will be very tough on a committed spouse. If this affair is full-blown you will probably feel as if you are living with someone who is absent in every manner but physically. He or she would really rather be elsewhere.

Calling attention to this hurtful inordinate attachment will probably result in flaring tempers and/or in further distancing which are designed to silence you. Consequently you will find yourself watching every word you say lest every encounter results in a flare up and/or in your spouse walking out the door.


1. “Steel” yourself. Remind yourself that you are strong, deserving of the very best in all your relationships, that you are unwilling to tolerate “sharing” your spouse. This is a reasonable position to hold.
2. Do not keep it a secret. Draw attention to the emotional affair even if it disrupts the peace in your home.
3. Be prepared to take radical stands. Be willing to ask your spouse to move out and do not cooperate with the affair any more than you would were it fully sexual in nature. That the affair is non-sexual does not make it acceptable.

One Comment to “Handling emotional affairs”

  1. I too has an emotional affair. My feelings were and still are intense. Ours became physical. I decided to have no contact afterwards. It didn’t work out that way. I have played distant and uninterested in him. But still speak occasionally. I miss the emotional attachment. We both have it. And we are botrh married. Not to each other.

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