It is not only some exotic insects and creatures that eat their young. I’ve seen parents do it quite regularly. It happened to my friend when we were boys. His mother ate him. She tried to eat me too but I got away. I ran as fast as I could and after I did that once she left me alone. After I ran away that first time I could visit without her making a meal out of me. She knew I knew what she was up to and furthermore, I knew she knew I knew. Before all this “knewing” gets ridiculous I know that because of what we both knew I knew, she didn’t like me much which was okay with me. If you don’t like someone very much you are unlikely to eat him. Knowing made me safe – which I think it usually does.

Mrs. RunAwayBunny (I call her that just for fun) didn’t eat her son all in one bite, it was just slow, steady mouthfuls. Every time he expressed a view that wasn’t also her view, he got tongue lashed. She chewed him out when he showed any desire for independence or if he laughed at anything she didn’t find funny. Then one day it finally happened, she swallowed him altogether. His pinkie toe of his left foot was my very last glimpse of the real him. All this adoration and love wasn’t very pretty.

Of course she “loved him to death” and because he was “so adorable” she could just “eat him up.” So she did. She did spit him out after a few days much like I imagined the whale regurgitated Jonah. Unlike Jonah, my friend stopped thinking, seeing, feeling, and speaking for himself. Something happened when he got swallowed up, I guessed it was getting so near to the womb he’d already left, that stopped him up or it was something to do with getting too much mother juice. She loved him into what she wanted, into seeing things through her eyes, and when he did, she thought these triumphs were remarkable signs of just how much he loved her. She measured his love by how much of him she could occupy even though it was “Mrs. RunAwayBunny” (I’m liking her name more and more and you’ll know why if you’ve read the story) who wanted to occupy him. If this confuses you now you must know how much it confused me then.

We still rode our bikes together and we sometimes still walked through the forest at the bottom of the yard but after she ate him and coughed him up like a cat and a hairball it was like riding my bike with her and walking through the forest with someone who was always careful and afraid. After she loved him to death he wouldn’t cross Blackburn Road when there was no traffic without being terrified.

Yes. One day, as I told you, and because she loved him so completely and she was always willing to sacrifice her needs for him, she ate the boy out of him altogether. I know. I was there. I watched it happen.

EDITORS PLEASE NOTE: Your inclusion of this column in your paper is absolutely free of charge to you. The flagship paper pays for it and it is my decision to allow its inclusion into your paper free of charge. The ONLY requests I make are that you let me know, that you include the website’s URL and an Email address directing readers to mail questions to me. The head shot would also be helpful but not essential.

While there are more than TEN REASONS this advice column is different from Ann Landers, Dear Abby (and therefore a good juxtaposition to those very well-loved columns) I have listed the 10 that come immediately to mind:

1. Short. Takes 50 seconds to read and offers sound, to the point suggestions and advice.
2. Questions are not presented in full.
3. It is anonymous. Questions go to Rod@DifficultRelationships.com
4. Submitted to newspapers in two-week packs by email or download before deadline (over 1000 segments are already available).
5. Segments sometimes follow a theme. One reader said it was “better than a soap opera.”
6. Sometimes the writer expresses a personal note about general relationship issues.
7. Allows immediate access to readers on the Internet.
8. Advice is focused on strength, sometimes funny, believes in the resilience of people and covers a very wide spectrum of issues.
9. Writer is a family therapist who teaches family therapy in several countries each year.
10.Style allows for brevity, anonymity and cutting to the chase.

I have much to yet accomplish....

1. To travel widely both at home and abroad.
2. To ride a horse at full gallop.
3. To write a book.
4. To give away one full salary check at least once a year.
5. To fully forgive those who have offended, hurt, or damaged you.
6. To live intentionally in a community of family, friends, and neighbors.
7. To tutor a child who is struggling at school.
8. To affirm those who have challenged you to live a life of integrity.
9. To be an agent of grace and healing for those who are suffering.
10. To identify your unique gifts and deploy each one to its full capacity.

“I am dating a man who is estranged from his parents, his two brothers, and a sister. He says they are idiots and he wants nothing to do with them. I have read your column for long enough to know that cutting off from family members is not a good idea. Do you think I should suggest he approach his family to resolve some of the issues they face?”

There exist good and healthy reasons for some people to cut themselves off from their families. They involve a family history of violence of any form — emotional, sexual, or physical violence.

Given the absence of abuse and violence, it is wise to stay in at least cordial, casual contact with family members. This does not necessitate close friendships – but servicing “invisible loyalties” within a family usually serves as a way to reduce the anxieties that accompany any family system.

I’d suggest you stay out of his conflicts with his family as much as possible and regard them as none of your business.

If you go from being his girlfriend to being his girlfriend and therapist you will both find yourselves out of your depth and the results will more than frustrate each of you.

There is a difference between keeping peace (peacekeeping) and making peace (peacemaking).

Peacekeeping takes a lot of work and saps energy. It’s a never-ending. Peacemaking lays groundwork for authentic peace to rule.

Peacekeepers work hard to keep the tensions from rising. They often pretend nothing is wrong. Peacemakers allow tensions to be aired and might even precipitate necessary conflict.

Peacekeepers avoid conflict at all cost. Their reward is the semblance of tranquility, and the slow demise of their integrity.

Peacemakers invite necessary conflict. They know there is no other pathway to greater understanding between warring people.

Peacekeepers may endure fake peace for decades – and feel “called” or anointed or special. Peacekeepers often have high levels of martyrdom. How else would they rationalize the stress of trying to hide the proverbial elephant in the room? Peacekeepers are often portrayed a deeply spiritual because they can endure so much without “saying anything.” They often see their suffering as persecution, rather than the product of being misguided.

Peacemakers value authentic peace.

The peace that exists between people with the courage to endure conflict, for the sake of lasting peace, is as gold when compared with its counterfeit cousin.

Assume your legitimate role as a peacemaker, and give up the other as nonsense.