He says it is just a friendship…..

by Rod Smith

“I discovered my husband is involved with another woman. He says it is just a friendship. He speaks to her on the phone at least 4 or 5 times a day and texts her a few times a day including in the evenings before we go to bed. All the calls and texts are done secretly. He promised to stop these but he hasn’t. She says she loves him and doesn’t want to lose him. He says that he loves me and does not want to hurt me or break up our marriage. He does not want anything to change but has said he would be happier if things were more open. He refuses to stop the relationship or even cut down on the contact.”

Attraction is only enduringly poss

Take UP your life as an act of LOVE

If this is “just a friendship” it would require no secrecy and you could be part of every encounter at every level.

Your husband is making powerful choices that are apparently dismissive of your long-term place in his life. It is time for you to make your own set of choices about whether you are willing to share your husband or not.

Gather your community or trusted friends, let them in at every level, and then act on your own behalf – whatever you determine that to be.

One Comment to “He says it is just a friendship…..”

  1. I follow Rod’s posts, this came from a very dear friend of mines reccomendation. My lfe has been full of trials and tribulations, storm after storm. I have been a believer in Christ from a very young age.I lost my mother when I was 3 yrs old,married at a young age to an abusive drug addicted man.He did not start that way, but it was apparent within months of our marrige that this was going to be a rough road. Four years and a set of beautiful twin daughters later, we divorced.I had to protect my daughters from all the abuse.I was scared for my life and in that day and age, domestic violence was not P.C. to discuss.I hide it from all…until the day he beat me with one of my 10 mth old daughters in my arms. I made a plan, and proceeded to get a new life for myself and my daughters. I returned to school, and managed to get a career in the medical field. Always struggling with my self doubt and worthiness but knowing that I was never truly alone, my faith was my saving grace.
    I raised my daughters with the same beliefs, my hopes would be they would have the strength that would carry them. Fast forward through many hard years, I lost my father to Cancer, I took care of him to the very last breathe. That left my sister, and my brother. We became close and leaned on each. My sister was my best friend, and when I found out she also had Cancer 3 yrs ago, I again was there to take care of her and her family until the end.
    I have been married 3 times, the last one to a man I truly loved, he adopted my twins, and we started our family with a child of our own. Our son was diagnosised with Neuromusclar disease and is 13 now. His future is unknown, but he has surpassed what all doctors at Riley Childrens Hospital had predicted. My marrage has been srained beyond anything I thought possible, but we remained together. The most joyous of all, we have all been baptised and at one point all were attending church regularly.
    Now, I sit alone in my house grandmother of four, and my 13 yr old son still struggling with his illness that requires feeding tube, and constant medical appts. This all came about because of a secret relationship that I found out about. I was told it was just a friendship, but all the calls and texts were done in secret and both the much younger girl involved and my husband planned this. When I discovered this….I tried to discuss it, and was lied to over and over, until I found myself turning into Sherlock Holmes to get proof I was not crazy. I presented the information I had found out in a calm and loving way, but with a certain amount of pain and distrust. He will not say or give any reasons other than he didn’t want confrontation over something that was nothing. To me…it was something….the lies, and the lack of trust to communicate was devestating to me. I prayed for strength, and I prayed for enlightenment, when he closed himself off to me. I believe I did receive an answer to the prayers…but in a way I can not begin to deal with or understand…..He has left our home, at my request, I wanted him to take the time and look at why he needs to be covering up something if it was so platonic. I came outside my self, and acted out of hurt and frustration…Did and said things that I shouldn’t have.. I have not heard from him, not even a call to check on his son…it has only been 5 days but it feels like a lifetime. 18 years together and I don’t know what to feel. So many questions and no answers from the only person who knows the answers. Rod…what do I pray for now?????

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