Day 3 of 5: Insight without action is useless – if it is growth you want…

by Rod Smith

Too close.....

You (we) are designed to love and be loved, to be intimate with a few people, to be known, and to know a few people deeply and well for an enduring amount of time. This is the profound desire you (we) have for intimacy.

You (we) are also designed, at the same time as you desire intimacy, to be unique and separate from others, (even from loved ones), and to be distinct from all other people. You have an independent streak, a lone-ranger urge. This desire for autonomy is a human gift.

If you lose your self to intimacy you will also lose your uniqueness and become less yourself, less unique. We have all met men and women who have lost themselves in a relationship.

Running is not an act of autonomy

If you only feed you independent streak and lose contact with others then you will find yourself isolated and craving intimacy. We have all met men and women who are trying to be islands.

The wise person simultaneously desires intimacy and autonomy. He or she favors neither over the other but serves both.

Action / Challenge: Increase your independence (follow your solo dreams, personal interests, private ambitions) and, at the same time, intensify your intimate relationships by intentionally becoming more open, equal, more transparent with your closest friends.

3 Comments to “Day 3 of 5: Insight without action is useless – if it is growth you want…”

  1. I love this…. I realise I tend to lose myself in relationships and then don’t like the person I become because I give too much?.

    This has been hard for me, to learn to be selfish and accept and stand by my own ambitions and dreams….

    • No one is suggesting you be selfish! On the contrary, it is selfish NOT to stand up for yourself. It is the refusal to be all you can be and it is placing your happiness in the hands of others. This, surely, is selfish?

  2. This post really spoke to me. Thank you Rod. I spent YEARS of my life self-sacrificing to keep my partner happy and to avoid conflict. Living with a person (with what I believe are sociopath traits) made it very difficult for me to remain true to myself. I hit rock bottom. With the help of wonderful people I am slowly finding the courage and strength to be true to ME and haven’t felt this great in 10 years! It’s HARD (really HARD) but I am NOT, ever again, going to lose my authentic self for a single individual, even if it costs me my marriage.

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