No one in the family likes the man she’s seeing….

by Rod Smith

“My daughter (24) has started seeing a man no one in the family likes. Surely she should see this as a ‘red flag’? Do you think we should have a big meeting and all tell her what we see and then let her take it from there?”

Call me....

See your dislikes as a challenge

I feel the urge to announce that you (the members of your family) are all separate people. Each of you is probably perfectly capable of loving and embracing persons who are very different from the persons others of the family may choose. You can do this all without falling apart as a family.

Letting your daughter know what you see, think, and feel individually might prove helpful to those who feel the need to deliver this message, but I think I’d avoid the big meeting at this time.

I’d suggest you challenge yourselves to love whomever your daughter loves and use your differences as a source of growth.

2 Comments to “No one in the family likes the man she’s seeing….”

  1. While I agree Rod, a group “meeting” may not be the ideal way to talk to a family member about the choice of who they date, challenging ourselves “to love whomever our daughter loves” and using these differences as a source of growth? I am not so sure this is always wise. My daughter was walking on a not perfect, but not yet, completely “secular” path as she approached her high school graduation. She began working in a summer job, met a young man who was not committed to Christ, but yes very nice. As much as I attempted to gently dance around the issue of her faith versus his faith (which she never approached with him), it only created a “wedge” in our relationship. As a result, and much to my sadness, she hastily decided to move out of our house and in with him and his mother. I was appalled that his mother solidified the bad decision and had no desire to meet with my husband and I. It seems as if our daughter did this out of rebellion. We did not believe the young man she found herself involved with possessed value system of a Christian and we did not effectively pull her aside and talk to her about this. In retrospect, I wonder what I would have lost if I had? Now, I have lost her completely. She became pregnant and had a child; she is now convinced there is absolutely nothing wrong with living outside of marriage with this young man and her child. Because she knows we do not think this is the best life for her, she has completely estranged us. She will not see us or allow me to see her new baby. I simply wish to say, if a family member is a Christian and they begin a dating relationship with a person who is not a Christian, should it not be incumbent upon us to offer them our opinion, based on scriptural references?

    2 Corinthians 6: 14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers

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