My ex is a kind man but he changes plans all the time……

by Rod Smith

My ex-husband and I are continually at war about when he can see our son. He changes plans and I have to re-arrange things. My son (5) doesn’t seem to care if he sees his dad or not and I am starting to think it is not worth the bother. My ex is a very kind man, he is just very busy and cannot always predict his work schedule. Please help.

Being “at war” with a “kind man” must be preferable to “war” with one who is unkind. Your acknowledgment of his kindness is, I suspect, as healthy as your acknowledgment that his inconsistencies are apparently the result of variables outside of his control.

Your son’s appearance to not care about seeing his dad ought not fool you. The child probably feels caught up in your frustrations and knows that demonstrating his desire to see his father may further upset you. Don’t underestimate a child’s ability to play the role of peacekeeper.

Cooperate all you can to get your son to his dad as often as is pleasing to both parents. The likelihood of your paying a stiff price later on, if the boy perceives you as having kept him from his dad, is very strong.

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