“I found myself in an affair during my marriage. My affair was so different to my husband: caring, loving, and he wanted me for what I was. My marriage ended (tragically) and I moved in with the guy I had an affair with. Initially we where very happy, he then had a thing with my sister-in-law and then had an affair with a girl who worked near by. The next two years were absolute hell as he would move out and live with his girl friend for a while and then move back in with me. I should never have allowed this. I did let him in and out of my life as he pleased. He got engaged and they have now set a wedding date. I feel that the chapter in my life is now closed. In the last year I have been doing a whole lot of soul searching and want to make myself into someone I like being with. I felt very empty though in all of this, missing having someone to hold and love.
“Last week I meet a guy who is wonderful. He is everything I have ever liked in a man. He’s attractive, knows exactly where he is going in life. We met through a mutual friend and hit it off from the word go. I then invited him to go to the rugby and we had a wonderful time. We went to a friend’s house for drinks and left there to go home. He called me for coffee and it was very pleasant. We started kissing and got all hot and bothered but I would not let us have sex. I left in the early hours of the morning. We did have contact the next day and the day after that I sent him a message and he replied. I have been out of the dating scene for a very long time and don’t know if I should just see this as one of those flings. I really don’t want to as he is a really nice guy.”
You are far too fresh out of trauma to be seeing anyone, and besides, anyone can be nice for a week. Keep growing, alone. Persist in becoming the kind of person you like being with. A little emptiness is a good thing if it leads to growth. Leave the kissing until you have known a person for a year or three. This will tell you how nice he really is!
emotion to feel, to use, but it will persistently eat you from the inside, leave you feeling even angrier, even more powerless over your life. Then, apart from punishing your spouse, they (resentment and bitterness) will punish you and contaminate all your relationships. In short, they have no boundaries and they are on a mission to deface all that is good and pure.
I am afraid people will think less of me. I don’t know what to do, where to go. When I ask him about it he says he didn’t it but he did. When we go to bed he puts his back to me. When I tell him I love him, he says I’m trying to start a fight. I think everybody will be better off if I’m not here anymore. They can start over without worrying about me. I have nothing. Please help me, please.” (Edited)
difficultrelationships.com 