Archive for April 11th, 2009

April 11, 2009

Be a healing presence…

by Rod Smith

Thanks for visiting

Through the wonders of technology I am able to access the key words that land readers on this website. I think you’d be surprised at the frequency of combination of the words “how to hurt a man” appear to be the essence of a search. In response, to those who appear to want to inflict damage, I have devised a list of how to participate in the healing of men and women who have been hurt.

1. Be willing to listen, even if what is being said is what you’d prefer to not hear. Try not to re-engineer (re-frame, recast) what you have heard so it is more fitting with what you’d really like to hear.
2. Resist understandable attempts to short-circuit growth by trying to ease necessary pain, by offering false affirmations, and by accepting empty excuses for irresponsible behavior. Pain is a very good motivator for change. Resist the urge to remove it when it appears to be helpful.
3. Offer your presence, not your answers. “I am with you” is more helpful than “let me help you fix it.”
4. Welcome silence. There are ways to talk that do not include words. Resist the understandable urge to chase healing and learning away with the incessant use of words.
5. Avoid minimizing (“it’s not so bad!”) or rationalizing (“What else did you expect?”) or normalizing (“Anyone would have done that!”) the issues that resulted in pain. Do not rob necessary pain of its usefulness.
6. Promote “future thinking.” Ask questions focused on future wellness and success.
7. Try to avoid searching for the genesis (the cause) of what has led to pain. Where something comes from is not nearly as important living your way out of it.

Write to me: / if you want to talk, let me know. I will make time for you.