Archive for April 15th, 2009

April 15, 2009

Hurting feels like a monumental hill….

by Rod Smith

“Healing a hurting heart is monumental hill to climb. I am almost 50 and have just broken up with my girlfriend whom I dearly loved. I am a divorced man. The sudden guilt of not making the right choices and sadness of all my previous years has rested upon me. I continually focus on where I went wrong and wonder if my own mind is against me because the amount of hurt I do to myself. I tell myself that there are people with incurable diseases, loved ones who have been killed, and billions of people are worse off than I am but it doesn’t seem to help.

I will listen to you, and make time for you if you'd like to talk.

I will read your letters, and make time for you if you if you'd like to talk.

I tend to look back more instead of looking forward knowing that it doesn’t help. Not being a religious person I would feel embarrassed and fickle to head toward religion. If there is any man in the same sad trench and found a way out I would like to know. I know this is trivial as when compared to what’s going on in the world but at the moment it feels shattering.” (Edited)

“Fickle” would be an honorable label in return for the promise of a secure faith. I’d suggest a full medical and several weeks with a skilled therapist. It is possible to give too much to a relationship, to expect it to deliver you from all unhappiness, to meet your every need. Perhaps you invested too much, at the neglect of your personal well-being, and now, in the absence of the relationship your world has indeed fallen apart. There is a future, even after this loss. Really. I have seen others find it and I trust you will do so too.

Reader responds: “Regarding yesterday’s column, I do not think there is anything wrong or ‘fickle’ with seeking religious solace in the face of personal suffering. We live in a materialistic world that puts great store on the concept of the ‘self-made man’ (and women) who are not supposed to curl up and die when things go wrong. However, the reality is that without a strong personal belief system, it is very difficult to face loss and depression. Knowing that there are others suffering greater tribulation certainly does not help the individual to come to terms with his own personal grief – spiritual faith does. Maybe this heartbreak is the impetus this man needs to review his spiritual needs. It happened to me and I have grown as a result, but it has been a slow process. There are no quick fixes in this life.”

Precisely. Thus my comment that “fickle” would be an honorable label in return for a secure faith.