Archive for December 17th, 2007

December 17, 2007

More sex will not “solve” matters in an already toxic relationship…

by Rod Smith

“My husband tries to keep me happy by buying me stuffed animals. If we had sex for every stuffed animal he’s given me then we’d never have gotten out of bed. I don’t have enough room for all these stupid things. It’s clear he’s not interested in me physically and he says I’m wrong. I feel a divorce would probably be better for me emotionally and physically at this stage since the stress is getting to be too much. My biggest anger with this is that we never had children because he’s the one who can’t, and I’ve missed out on a major part of life. I’m in my late 40’s and I want to run out and get pregnant before it’s too late. I want to have a family. I feel like he’s keeping me from that by not being honest with me.” (Edited from a much longer letter)

More sex will be as effective as getting more stuffed animals – if you want marital integrity. Then, to “run out and get pregnant” will bring added complications. Until each party is willing to address, and face your mutual and underlying alienation, you will think you need more sex, and he will think you need more stuffed animals. Sex, like gifts, will not solve an already toxic relationship.

December 17, 2007

Am I being “played”…?

by Rod Smith

“I have known a woman for 4 years. We have lived together but broke up and got back together twice in the last year.  She is deciding whether to be with me or another guy. I find this stressful and have asked her to make up her mind.  She says I am not as warm as he is, and (she) wants to see my warmth despite the situation. I told her I would not have proposed to her and asked her father if I did not mean to make a life with her. I also told her she is not loving and must give that which she desires. Am I being played?” (Edited)

You have suggested this woman give to you that which she desires from you. Good suggestion. You do the same and things might improve between you. I cannot determine if you are being “played” or not.

What I can discern is a lack of shared warmth, compassion, and understanding – which is apparently so from both sides