More sex will not “solve” matters in an already toxic relationship…

by Rod Smith

“My husband tries to keep me happy by buying me stuffed animals. If we had sex for every stuffed animal he’s given me then we’d never have gotten out of bed. I don’t have enough room for all these stupid things. It’s clear he’s not interested in me physically and he says I’m wrong. I feel a divorce would probably be better for me emotionally and physically at this stage since the stress is getting to be too much. My biggest anger with this is that we never had children because he’s the one who can’t, and I’ve missed out on a major part of life. I’m in my late 40’s and I want to run out and get pregnant before it’s too late. I want to have a family. I feel like he’s keeping me from that by not being honest with me.” (Edited from a much longer letter)

More sex will be as effective as getting more stuffed animals – if you want marital integrity. Then, to “run out and get pregnant” will bring added complications. Until each party is willing to address, and face your mutual and underlying alienation, you will think you need more sex, and he will think you need more stuffed animals. Sex, like gifts, will not solve an already toxic relationship.

2 Comments to “More sex will not “solve” matters in an already toxic relationship…”

  1. The desire to have children now and point the finger of blame to your husband. Going out and getting pregant will only exasperate your problems and not solve anything. Time to look in the mirror and assess where you are and if your desires would be self serving and not in the best interest of the possible child or you and your husband.

  2. “I feel he’s keeping me from that by not being honest with me.” Your husband did not keep you from having children. If being a parent had been your primary goal 10 – 15 years ago or so, nothing would have stopped you. You would have either gotten out of this relationship or you would have investigated adoption. Your window of opportunity may have closed, I’m afraid, but you can’t blame someone else for that. I don’t understand the stuffed animal thing but it sounds sort of creepy to me.

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