Archive for December 2nd, 2007

December 2, 2007

My husband ended an affair but I want to talk about it….

by Rod Smith

“My husband got caught up in an affair with a woman at work. Distance made it was difficult for them to see each other but it lasted 18 months. I found out. We moved country. Changed company. All forgiven. Our stable, happy marriage of 33 years suffered but was reestablished. Now 8 months ago, he has been assigned to the same province where she lives although 400 km apart. I suspect that they might be in contact either by phone or email and I suspect that she knows he is in this area and might try to see him. She was really determined to keep the affair going. I would like to know if I will jeopardize our relationship if I ask my husband if they are in contact or if he has heard from her. We have not spoken about her for 4 years nor about the affair. We chose to put it behind us.” (Minimally edited for space only)

Of course this must be talked about. Putting something behind you doesn’t mean never talking about it again — it means stopping the behavior, finding reconciliation, and discussing it whenever one of you needs to. Ask. Talk. Debate. What you avoid talking about will have more power than what you do talk about.